The Twilight's Shadow
by meltedjujubees
Summary: SyndraxZed fic, and the second half to Balancing Shadows! I recommend reading the first half... well, first, but go nuts! Please read, review, all that nice stuff, but most importantly, please enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: Hello friends, and welcome to part 2! By making sure to upload part 2 in a timely manner, I meant the same day, because apparently writing is more important than sleeping._**

**_Anyway._**

**_Oh god, the hate. I am so sorry. Please don't hate me._**

**_xSilentWolf- PLEASE BABY PLEASE, DON'T BE LIKE THAT. _**

**_Tahimikamaxtil- Thank you so so much!_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- PLEASE, THE HATE, I CAN'T HANDLE IT._**

**_Okay… IF YOU CAN, please enjoy yourselves! Read, review, love me, all that good stuff. _**

* * *

Zed adjusted the bundle in his arms, hoping that the shadow was leading him in the right direction, doing his best to move faster, always faster. His hands were sticky and there was blood on his clothes, blood that was definitely not his, so he had to hurry…

He was at the small cottage sooner than he expected, and the relief was nearly blinding. He carefully freed one hand, knocking very loudly on the door, trying to fight back his frustration when it wasn't immediately answered. The woman who did answer was nothing like he would have expected; bronze skinned and dark haired, as far from Syndra as you could possibly get, but Zed knew he was in the right place.

He tilted the weight in his arms before she could tell him to leave, enough so that the blanket dropped away from his arms and to the ground, revealing Syndra's sickly pale face, pinched in pain.

"She's injured."

It was evident from the very fact that Zed had come to Karma at all, and the blood that was slowly beginning to stain everything. Karma looked shocked and afraid, but she held the door open, pointing Zed in the direction of what he assumed was the bedroom. He set her down on the only bed, adjusting the blankets around her before rushing out the same way he came, this time ignoring Karma at the door.

It was all he could do.

* * *

This was… dark. Everything was dark. Like shadows.

Everything was shadows.

* * *

Karma paced up and down a very dark hallway, doing her best to keep the movements silent. She had something of a routine going; walk up to the door, glance at it, walk passed the door, and repeat. She'd been doing this for hours, but no matter how much she willed the door to open, it stayed closed.

It had been so long.

Karma hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in days, but she could wait, she _had_ to wait. It was the least she could do, because all of this… all of this worry and pain and guilt were her fault. She should have known better, she should have protected her, she should have done something.

But that was the past, and as much as Karma could dwell on it, she knew that for now, she had bigger things to worry about than what she couldn't control.

A small click saved her from her tortured thoughts, and she stopped her frantic pacing to look up at the door that was finally opening. The woman walking through the doorway looked up, smiling humorously at the now very still Karma.

"You'll wear holes in the floor."

Karma tried to laugh, but it turned into more of sob on the way out.

"Soraka."

Karma ran up to the door, trying to peer around it before Soraka gently pulled it shut. She held up a finger to silence Karma before she spoke, taking a small breath.

"I'll answer your questions, but you need to tell me something first, and it's very, very imperative that you tell the truth."

Karma bit her lip, waiting for a question she knew she couldn't answer.

"Who brought her to you?"

Soraka had those big yellow eyes fixed on her face, making it nearly impossible to do the only thing Karma had been asked not to; lie.

"I don't know."

* * *

Zed pulled away from the shadows, stepping lightly into the room illuminated only by a small candle on the bedside table. He tilted his head to the door, making sure one last time that he was alone before crossing the room and pausing by the only other piece of furniture in the room; a small, narrow bed, burdened only by the smallest bundle of blankets.

He lifted a hand, hooking a finger behind one fold of the blanket and gently pulling it away, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in his throat when he revealed what was beneath.

There was silver hair spilled haphazardly around a very pale face, eyes cradled in bruised flesh, normally full lips pinched into a thin line. He paused for only a second before pulling the blanket down even farther, leaving it bunched up at the bottom of the bed. He moved the hand from the blanket and to the loose dress she was swathed in, pulling it very slowly over bare legs and over her hip, dropping the handful of fabric at her ribs.

As bad as it had been to see her face, this was unimaginably worse.

The flesh that stretched from just below her left ribs to the middle of her stomach was dark purple and crossed with stitches, the mark contrasting so drastically with the rest of her body it was almost easy for Zed to convince himself that it didn't belong to her.

But it did, and killed him to know that it was his fault it was there.

When Selvi had stabbed her, everything was so… surreal. He could hardly remember stabbing Selvi himself, but he vividly remembered every gruesome detail when Selvi's limp body slipped, and the hand that was still curled around his dagger pulled, kept pulling, dragging the blade across Syndra's flesh. Selvi had missed; the initial wound could have been treated so much easier, but this…

His fault.

He let his finger hover over the gash, lowering it until it was just barely ghosting across the shadowed skin, running along every inch of bruised flesh.

"Your imagination is very lacking."

Zed's hand froze, pausing over the last stitch of the wound. He lifted his eyes to the lavender ones attached to the raspy voice, allowing a very small smile to curve his lips. He moved the hand back to the dress, covering her bare skin once more and tugging the blanket up to her chin. He perched very lightly on the edge of the bed, careful not to move or touch Syndra in any way.

"What do you mean?"

Although a whisper, it made Syndra's sound weak and frail by comparison. She slid one of her hands out from underneath the blanket, maneuvering it beneath one of Zed's and smiling when his fingers curled around it in response.

"You went through all the trouble to get the dress off, and that's all you do?"

The smile transformed into that signature smirk, and it was hard for Zed to remember exactly what it was they were talking about.

"Syndra."

She closed her eyes, the simple whisper making all the pain she felt feel so small and far away.

"I needed this. To see you."

Zed moved his other hand to rest very, very gently against one of her cheeks, staying silent until she opened her eyes again.

"I can't stay long."

She laughed, a choked sound that resembled a cough more than anything.

"I know. This is you we're talking about."

It was meant as a joke, but it made the guilt eating away at him burn all the more.

"How are you feeling?"

It was a question with an obvious answer, but it was hard for him to think of something more appropriate to say.

"I'm… Okay. Soraka says there's more work for her to do, but in a week or so, I can leave."

Relief overshadowed the guilt he felt, even if for just a moment. He squeezed the hand still clutched in his own, being careful not to squeeze _too_ hard.

"Syndra, I'm sorry."

She shook her head, pressing her free hand over the one Zed still had laying against her cheek.

"Don't. Please don't. It's over now."

And it was; Selvi would never hurt her again, he would never let _anyone_ hurt her again, but it could never make up for what he'd done.

The light around the edges of the only curtains in the room was enough to distract him, and he tried to smile as convincingly as he could at her.

"Time to go?"

He nodded, giving her hand one last squeeze.

"I'll be back soon."

He slid off the bed, pulling one hand free to balance himself and then leaning over her, being more careful than he ever had before lowering his face and pressing his lips to hers, savoring the feeling before slipping back into the shadows that brought him here.

Syndra opened her eyes when the pressure against her lips disappeared, blinking blurry eyes at the now empty room. It should be enough that Zed had visited at all, but she would've given anything for him to be able to stay.

She snapped out of her daze when the door clicked, blinking rapidly to clear her eyes before Karma came to sit on the edge of her bed, much like Zed had earlier. Karma kept her hands in her lap, twisting the fingers around each other before speaking.

"You look better."

Syndra tried to keep a straight face and even tone.

"I feel better. Can I leave soon?"

Karma kept on twisting her fingers, not quite sure on how to phrase her answer.

"As soon as you're healed, we can't… _keep_ you here, but Syndra… there's a problem."

Her stomach dropped; there was no way for her or anyone else to know Zed was here, he'd never let himself get caught.

"We both know who brought you to me when you were injured."

Syndra's mouth twisted. Not the problem she was thinking of, but just as worse.

"I told you, I had enough power to bring myself before I lost consciousness."

Karma shook her head, placing her twisted fingers in her lap and refusing to move them.

"You don't have to lie, Syndra. I won't tell anyone. And that's the problem."

Syndra didn't want Karma to be punished for something that was her fault, not after what she'd done for her, but short of giving Zed up, there was nothing she could do. She frowned at the lumps underneath the blanket that were her mangled body, vision blurry once more.

"Please, Karma."

She lifted one of the hands from her lap, deciding halfway through the action to drop it back into place.

"Syndra, I won't. But you may want to reconsider."

She shook her head, ignoring when the movement pulled at sore muscles.

"Karma, no. And I'm done discussing it."

She shook her head in disappointment, muttering a quick 'feel better' before rushing out of the room.

Syndra watched the door close behind her, deciding that as incredible as it sounded, the stab wound was the least of her problems.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Okay, holy moly. Sorry about the time between updates, but I was really having a tuff time moving the story from where I had it. I think (hopefully) I have it mostly figured out now. _**

**_Also here's fluff, to make up for all the past and future heartbreak. Enjoy your fluff now. _**

**_Tahimikamaxtli- AND MORE YOU SHALL HAVE._**

**_Warrior975- I'm insanely glad you're enjoying it! I'm actually pretty excited to write the interactions between Shen/Zed but I'm also trying to be pretty careful about it. _**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Phew! Dodged a bullet. Well I've never been, but I will definitely take your word for it!_**

**_Ulcaasi- I'll have you know that comment made me have to watch that movie… twice. The name is just a place holder while I try to think of something as corny as the last one. Don't worry- I haven't completely reverted to my awful story name ways._**

**_CorporalNoob- 5ever? You flatter me. Thank you so much!_**

**_As always, reviews are greatly appreciated but please enjoy!_**

* * *

Soraka trailed her hand over Syndra's stomach, frowning for a moment before pulling her hand away and tugging Syndra's hospital gown back into place.

"It's all healed up nicely. I can't do anything about the scar, but besides that, there's no permanent internal damage. "

She waited for Syndra to answer, but on receiving none, headed for the door.

"I want to keep you for one last night of observation, and in the morning you can go."

This time she didn't want for Syndra to say anything, simply left the room and closed the door very quietly behind her. Syndra waited a few seconds to make sure she was gone and that no one else was coming in before pulling up the gown, twisting her hip to get a better view of the scar.

It was hideous.

It was dark, raised, and impossibly long, covering nearly half of her stomach. She ran a finger across the uneven skin, sighing in dismay; if Soraka couldn't heal it away, then nobody could. She yanked the gown back into place, deciding that ignoring it for as long as she could was the best course of action.

And now… all she could do was wait.

Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a lot to do in the hospital; Karma had been very clear that she was to keep to herself, and Syndra had spent almost the entire stay locked away in her room. It had been nearly two weeks of long, arduous healing sessions with Soraka and very uncomfortable conversations with Karma. Even Zed, as much as he'd promised to visit, had only been there twice, and Syndra thought the boredom might actually be driving her insane.

She moved to the middle of her bed, crossing her legs and resting her arms on her knees, trying to meditate for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It was harder than she thought to clear her mind, and much easier for her thoughts to wander, back to the night she'd been trying so hard to forget.

She was thankful that most of her memories of the night were hazy at best; the ones she was stuck with were terrible enough. She'd been upset that night, because of Zed… and then there was Selvi in the rain, Selvi's crazed eyes, and then so much _pain. _

After that, almost nothing.

Syndra opened her eyes, frowning at the room that had hardly gotten any darker. She ran one hand over her face, deciding that going to sleep early was as good of an idea as she was going to get. She fell back against the pillows that were much too small for her liking, sticking one arm behind her head and bouncing a sphere with the other, waiting for the steady motion to lull her to sleep. It was slow going; the room had gotten dark enough that she could hardly see the sphere anymore before her eyes felt heavy at all.

She let the sphere fade away, snuggling deeper into the outrageously thin blankets and consoling herself with the thought that this was the last night she'd have to spend in this room.

"You look very uncomfortable."

The voice broke what little hold sleep had had on her, but she was happy to hear it nonetheless. She opened her eyes, wiggling to one side of the bed and holding up one corner of her blanket.

"Hurry up."

She sighed very quietly when Zed took his spot beneath the blanket, closing her eyes and hooking one leg over his, then tucking her head beneath his chin and against his chest.

"You're late."

The murmur was too quiet to carry any real anger, and Zed's only response was to run a hand along the leg Syndra had curled around him, letting it rest at her hip.

"I'm here now."

"Well, I'm tired now."

It was clear to them both that she wasn't, and Zed let his hand trail just a little bit farther up, stopping only when the movement made Syndra flinch. He pulled his hand away from her ribs, where it had just hardly grazed the scar that now stretched across it.

"Did I hurt you?"

He'd assumed that by now, she would have been mostly recovered, but he didn't know anything about Ionian healing methods outside of what the Kinkou had taught him. She was slow to answer, taking the time to thoroughly chew her bottom lip before responding.

"No, it doesn't hurt."

It wasn't exactly the answer Zed was expecting, and he waited for her to explain further.

"It's… Soraka couldn't heal it all."

For a second, Zed was worried, but he figured if there was a life altering problem that couldn't be healed, this wasn't the way Syndra would be acting. She was almost… shy. She ran her finger over her gown and across her stomach, and then shrugged.

"It left a scar. Rather unsightly."

Nothing she said alleviated his confusion, but he didn't think she would explain further. She was worried about a scar? Considering who she was talking to… It was a little ridiculous.

"You think scars are… unsightly."

He didn't mean for his tone to come out quite so mocking, but Syndra just rolled her eyes.

"No. Just mine."

If anything, she confused him more. He'd seen the initial wound, and although it was serious, he didn't think the scar would be _that_ bad. Zed's silence made her feel like she had to explain, but it was harder than she thought to pick out just the right words.

"I was… worried, I suppose. That it would off-putting to you."

Syndra waited in silence, the embarrassment she felt at having to admit such a vain insecurity eating away at her. Zed didn't answer right away, making her discomfort all the more painful.

"It's not off-putting."

It was much more of a relief than Syndra expected to hear him say it, but he continued speaking before she could answer.

"Love is… not affected by scars."

For several minutes, Syndra just sat there, stunned by the direction the conversation had taken. Love was the last thing she expected to get from her petty confession, the last thing she _ever_ expected to hear from Zed. As much as she wanted to question the statement, it was easy to tell how uncomfortable Zed was, and Syndra settled for snuggling just a little bit closer, hiding her smile against his shirt.

"It better not be."

Zed didn't let her hide for too long; he tilted her chin up, pulling her into a kiss that was happier and more lighthearted than she ever thought him capable of. And this time, when he ran his hand back along her hip, she didn't flinch away, because as close as she was it could never be close enough; not even when she was pressed beneath him, every inch of space between them erased.

It was especially maddening later, when Zed had to leave and all she wanted was to drag him back to bed. The fact that this was the day she was leaving was barely enough to console her; it was well into the morning before Karma came to retrieve her, thankfully bringing something that wasn't made by the hospital to wear. She held up the hooded shawl, ignoring Syndra when she curled her lip.

"No one knows you're here still. "

She watched Syndra carefully pull it over her head, adjusting it when she was finished so that every lock of silver hair was safely hidden away. Her hand lingered at Syndra's cheek just a few seconds longer than was appropriate, and she pulled it away with a slightly embarrassed smile.

"You know the way to my cottage from here still?"

It'd been many years since she'd last been here, but Syndra in her youth had spent a lot of time with Karma, and Karma had and still did spend a lot of time with Soraka at the hospital. She nodded, then gave Karma a shallow smile before letting herself out.

It was hard for Karma to watch her go; if she was here, at least she knew Syndra was safe, and that no one could hurt her. It was harder still to remind herself that it had been a long, long time since Syndra needed her or anyone else to worry about her.

But it was impossible not to worry about family.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: I didn't take a week this time! It's a miracle._**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Lose my sanity? I'm not too sure about that._**

**_Johnathon- They both already know, actually! Selvi told Akali and Akali told Shen. _**

**_CorporalNoob- That response… 3gud_**

**_Ulcaasi- Please do, I will take any excuse to watch that movie. I really missed fluff… It should just be fluff and rainbows all the time. _**

**_As always, thank you for reading and please do leave a review, but mostly importantly, enjoy!_**

* * *

_Syndra waved her fingers, riveted on the yellow magic that twisted around the chubby digits. She turned her small hand every which way, finding new patterns every time she looked. Karma laughed at the wide-eyed fascination, waving her own hand in front of Syndra's face, adding turquoise magic to the yellow. _

_"You see? Your power can be anything you desire."_

_She pulled her hand away, separating the colors once more. The blue wisps solidified, taking on the form of an ethereal dragon that twirled around Syndra's head before dissipating. Syndra giggled, swatting at the fading colors before turning back to Karma._

_"Or it could be simpler. But it is yours to shape and use, and yours alone. Your possibilities, young one, are endless."_

_Syndra paid rapt attention, those large eyes held wide open and her mouth popped open into a small 'o'. Karma cradled her face in her hands, turning the 'o' into smile, touching her nose to Syndra's and making her squeal. _

_"It's up to you to decide."_

* * *

Syndra watched the shadow ninjas training, trying to catch the exact moment that they disappeared seemingly into thin air, but although she'd been watching for hours and never let her gaze wander, she'd yet to catch the movement.

It was frustrating… but fascinating at the same time.

Even if she couldn't discern all their shadow techniques from observation, they were still enjoyable to watch; every single student moved in unison, with a grace and fluidity that put any dancer she'd ever seen to shame. And not a single one of them complained. Syndra had started watching hours into the practice, and even now the sun was nearly hidden behind the trees and still, not one student had asked to be excused or anything of the sort.

The dynamic is what interested her the most; every student seemed more or less at the same level of expertise, and every single one moved together. And then there was Zed, presiding over the exercise, critiquing where he could and perfecting their forms.

Syndra lazily let her gaze follow Zed, thinking more about the mindset of the students. She'd never really spoken to any of them with the small exception of two, but she'd seen them together every time she was at the order. Outside of training they were relatively normal, albeit rather serious people; people, she gathered, who trusted each other implicitly, and would do anything for each other. The relationship went beyond simple partnerships or friendships… the way the students acted, they were nothing less than family.

And that fascinated Syndra more than anything.

* * *

_"She's a problem."_

_The words, at the moment, made no sense at all; Karma could see Syndra now, cross legged in the middle of the lawn they were standing on and waving her hand in a circle, watching the yellow spheres that followed the motion with the same doe eyed fascination that she always did. How could someone so vibrant and happy be a problem? Karma tried to reason._

_"Group lessons are new to her, and you know how gifted she is. The other students are just intimidated. Just give them time to adjust."_

_The elder shook his head the entire time Karma was speaking, and answered in a tone that made it clear he'd made up his mind long before Karma arrived._

_"She's not intimidating, she's dangerous. She's very powerful, but young and naïve. She can't control that power and I can't control her. I don't think group lessons are what is best for her right now."_

_Karma tried to keep her face serene, even though the anger she could feel boiling just beneath her skin threatened to burst forth at any moment. It was clear in this situation who was really naïve, and Karma did not have time to waste on ignorance._

_"Very well."_

_Her reply was curt and sharp, and she turned immediately on her heel and motioned to Syndra._

_"Syndra! Time to go."_

_Syndra's head jerked up, her previously entranced face breaking into a smile that always made Karma feel like the sun itself was beaming at her. That smile quickly faltered, something in Karma's expression ruining her previous elation. She trotted up to her, only tripping once, and followed Karma away from the lawn. _

_Karma didn't want to say anything; she didn't want to ask about what had really happened at the lesson or have to explain why Syndra wouldn't be able to go back. She just wanted to watch her smile and dance and laugh, like every other ten year old._

_But Syndra was too smart for that._

_"Karma?"_

_The voice was so small, but sad enough that Karma could almost mistake it for someone far beyond Syndra's age. _

_"Yes?"_

_Syndra stopped walking, and when Karma turned around, she looked up at her with those big yellow eyes that Karma loved to pretend was the sun, now clouded and glassy with tears. _

_"I tried… to be good. To control, like you said, but… But I…"_

_It pained Karma to see how badly Syndra was trying not to cry, even though she was already hiccupping for air and pulling her mouth tightly to one side. Karma kneeled in front of her, taking her small hands in her own and nudging her chin up with the bundle. _

_"Syndra… there are people that will never understand the lengths that you go through to maintain control over yourself… They will never understand what it is like to be you, or have to endure the trials that you will. You are going to make mistakes, and it may not always be easy to overcome them, but you will. Because you are strong."_

_The tears in Syndra's eyes spilled over, but her mouth wasn't pinched anymore and it even softened into a very, very small smile._

_"Stronger than the other kids?"_

_Karma smiled, pulling one hand free to wipe the tears away from her cheeks._

_"Stronger than them all."_

* * *

"You've never watched training for that long before."

Syndra sighed, the small motion of Zed twirling her hair around his fingers lulling her closer and closer to sleep.

"I should. It's very… interesting."

Her murmur was fading, but Zed asked anyway.

"What interests you the most?"

Syndra smiled, even though she didn't think he could see it from where she was curled against his chest.

"The instructor. He interests me greatly."

She could practically hear Zed roll his eyes, and she made herself comfortable, only slightly annoyed when he interrupted her again.

"What is it really?"

Syndra was too tired to really think her answer through, and cared more about satisfying Zed's curiosity so that she could sleep more than she cared about providing an in-depth response.

"You're all very… cohesive. It's unusual. To me, at least."

Zed didn't reply, still playing with her hair but considering her answer in his usual silence. Syndra decided she almost missed him talking, although preferably quieter.

"But it must've been like the Kinkou. Tell me about them."

Her voice ebbed into a sleepy sigh, and when Zed answered he was significantly quieter than before, much to Syndra's delight.

"The Kinkou were like the order… in some ways. To be efficient, you needed to be… cohesive, as you observed. But they were…"

Syndra was fast asleep before finding out what the Kinkou used to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N:_**

**_Ulcaasi- Yay, you approve c:_**

**_CorporalNoob- Sorry for the confusion! I like to do this thing where I change the name of the story only after I've written some of it and not give anyone any warning… Very professional._**

**_Redgrave- Awww, I hope your reviews stop getting lost! I love hearing from you. AND I LOVE HEARING ZED SAY LOVE. Thank you! I did think it needed a new name that wasn't just "part 2", and I'm quite happy with the new one ^-^ _**

**_Johnathon- I should have went back and told you what chapter it was in… But I am very lazy. I apologize. I actually enjoy writing about Karma and Syndra's past a lot, so I'm very glad someone else is liking it!_**

**_xSilentWolf- I actually missed you very much! And no, I will not eat this teemo cookie, ugh. (I also totally didn't google translate all of that.) Zed's past, all in good time. Smut, eh? We'll see. I enjoy all reviews, weird or bullcrap or whatever. Lah you too bb._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I could actually never get into ZedxAkali myself since ShenxAkali was my first League OTP, but I can appreciate the pairing. I am very glad you're interested though! Thank you very, very much for reading all of it :3 I will try my best to keep it up. _**

**_As always, thank you very much for reading and I would definitely appreciate any and all reviews, but please enjoy!_**

* * *

_Karma rushed through the cottage door, breathless from the run there from town. Her eyes searched the small room, and even though it came up empty, that left only one place else for Syndra to be. She walked through the cottage and out of the glass doors that let into the garden, the place that Syndra loved more than anything else. Sure enough, she was there, seated in the midst of more flowers than she could count and beneath a tree whose willowy branches nearly brushed her head._

_Karma approached after Syndra didn't move, carefully placing a hand on her shoulder._

_"Syndra."_

_Her voice came out in a huff, since she hadn't quite recovered her breath yet._

_"I need to hear it from you."_

_Syndra had had both her hands on her cheeks before, holding up her head, but when Karma looked now her fingers were clawing at her face, pulling at the pale skin. _

_"It's… too… hard."_

_Karma tried to speak, but Syndra cut her off before she got a chance._

_"They all want me to restrain, to pretend that I am as weak and frail as the rest of the students. The elders have no problem with the other students performing to their best, but when I do…"_

_Everything she said made Karma so terribly sad, because as talented and powerful as Syndra was, she would never be able to fully release like the other students. But Syndra was wrong, about one thing._

_"Syndra… Somebody was hurt this time. Their problem lies with the safety of the students, not with you personally."_

_Syndra released her face, whipping her head around to Karma, and for just a brief moment, the hand Karma still had on her shoulder felt the power within Syndra that had always been the reason she was unwanted by her parents, given to Karma because no one else in Ionia could ever begin to understand or control it. It was so dark and twisted and consuming, pushing aside the bright magic and swallowing Syndra alive. Karma flinched, pulling her hand back to her side, and for a second…_

_Karma was afraid._

_"They would be safe if they were strong! I cannot help weakness!"_

_Her face was twisted in fury, those yellow eyes dark and full of more anger than anybody Syndra's age should have the misfortune to experience. Everything that had happened, everything Syndra was saying… It was all so wrong. Syndra was supposed to understand, she was supposed to be able to control herself, everyone was supposed to be safe. _

_Karma raised a hand, lifting it to Syndra's cheek. Her hand was shaking, Syndra was shaking, and everything in the world had never seemed more wrong than in that moment. _

_"She died, Syndra."_

_And there was just the slightest tremble at the corner of Syndra's mouth, the beginnings of regret, the only sign that Syndra wasn't completely lost to her._

_"She was weak."_

_She set her mouth, peeled Karma's hand off her cheek and stalked away, leaving Karma to think of what in the world she was going to do. _

* * *

Syndra stood in the foyer of her home, unable to move forward but unable to back through the door behind her either. The room was dark, quiet, unassuming. She didn't know what she expected; no lifeless body on the floor, no bloodstains on the walls. It was clean, impeccably so, and that unnerved Syndra more than anything.

It was like it never happened.

Her hand fluttered almost subconsciously to her side, hovering over the scar that was the only remaining proof that Selvi had ever existed.

Selvi.

It was… impossible, how Selvi had turned from someone she trusted, someone that had been there for her when she had no one, into… into what, exactly? A traitor? A man whose idea of love and protection was sticking a dagger between her ribs.

Impossible.

Yet here she was, stuck in her own house because of what the traitor had done, unable to forget. But what was there here for her, anyway? The room was still dark, the fortress was still eerily silent, and it was still empty. Her home didn't comfort her like it used to; the tea table was no longer inviting, the pillows were no longer comforting, the stairwell no longer filled her with the feeling of imminent release after a long day.

She walked up the stairwell anyway, trailing a hand along the wooden railing and pushing open the door at the top of the stairs. She headed immediately for the balcony, leaning against the railing like she would any other day at sunset. The balcony, the view, the peace she felt when she was out here… that would be the only thing she would miss.

She didn't watch the sunset for too long, only enough for the sun to just barely dip behind the trees before heading back into her room, grabbing an armful of her favorite pillows from her bed and then leaving, shutting the door with not so much as a glance behind her.

* * *

_"It's quite a walk, I know."_

_Syndra didn't reply, just kept her arms crossed and her eyes kept carefully on the path. She'd never been this far into the forest before; the path was thin and overgrown, and clearly no one but she and Karma had been down it recently. She was angry that she had to be in the forest at all; this was the kind of day she'd normally spend doing nothing but experimenting with her power, but Karma had dragged her away from home with no indication as to where they were going or when they'd be back._

_It was infuriating. _

_Neither of them spoke until the path became a little less wild, and the forest around them was thinner and brighter. Syndra looked up from the ground when she heard someone else on the path, coming from the opposite direction of her and Karma. It was an aging man, clothed in outdated Ionian robes that swept the ground, just hardly longer than the beard that rested against his chest. He smiled when he met Syndra's gaze, bowing slightly in a respectful hello. _

_"Syndra."_

_Syndra had nearly forgotten that Karma was still there, waving a hand from her to the old man._

_"This is your new mentor. He volunteered, specifically for you. Out here, you can be given the attention you have always needed. You can learn."_

_It was all a little hard to believe at first. She had her own mentor? There would be no one restraining her here; here, she would be free to grow better and stronger. The man held out a hand, beckoning her closer, and Syndra left Karma without a word, eagerly joining him. _

_And for the first time in years, Syndra felt like she truly belonged where she was. _

* * *

Syndra adjusted her bedding again, shifting one of her pillows from the bottom of the bed to behind her, and pulling the blanket over her head. She'd been tossing and turning for hours, but it was impossible for her to get comfortable. She threw the blanket away from her face with a huff, resting her hands on the sheets and staring at the ceiling, trying to will her discomfort away.

It wasn't working.

She couldn't get her ill-advised day trip out of her mind; she couldn't stop thinking about Selvi. She wished that she never met him; she wished that she would have spent the time while Zed was away alone and far, far away from anyone else. She wished more than anything that things could have turned out different for the poor man whose only fault was to help a stranger in need. Selvi had been a decent person, and by simply being misfortunate enough to meet Syndra, turned into something malicious and twisted. It was her fault.

The guilt was eating her alive.

She glanced to her side, at the edge of the bed where Zed was still sleeping. He'd come home late and she knew he was tired, but she moved closer anyway, gently nudging the arm he had over the blanket.

"Zed."

It took her a solid minute of prodding before he moved, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"Is everything alright?"

He was still half asleep, just now dropping his hand from his face. Syndra chewed her lip, beginning to regret her decision to wake him up.

"Yes."

He focused bleary eyes on her face, taking in the raw skin on her lip and increasing frown.

"Are _you_ alright?"

Yes, she definitely regretted it now. Still, she shook her head.

"No."

He didn't say anything after that; he didn't ask why she was waking him up in the middle of the night not to talk or why she looked so tortured, just shifted so she could inch closer and settle beneath his arm, assuming her favorite spot. Syndra was relieved that he didn't ask her anything, because the last thing she needed was to explain why she felt responsible for the man who tried to kill her being dead. All she needed now was contact; the kind of silent comfort that Zed was the best at providing.

It was a while before Syndra was tired enough to go to sleep, and Zed, to his credit, stayed awake the whole time. She wanted to apologize for waking him up… but decided it could wait until the morning, when they were both a little less exhausted. She curled just a little bit closer, pulling the blanket up to her chin and smiling very, very slightly. The fortress used to be the only place in Ionia that she felt comfortable, but now…

She found somewhere else that she belonged.


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Okay. I actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it… and proofreading it maybe a little more than was necessary. _**

**_Ulcaasi- Gosh, I know. And even when I do find a SyndraxZed fic that's written well enough for me to read it, Zed is always a robot and Syndra is always an overgrown 5 year old. So here is fluff, free of robotics and temper tantrums. _**

**_CorporalNoob- God. Please. No. Hashtags._**

**_SethDarkcloud- From useless to brilliant… I like you. There are definitely facts to support it; I've always just thought they had a history, but not a romantic one. That's why I wrote Akali into the story, because of all the lore they shared, but I don't ever really see them together. BUT, that is just my opinion, and I really do think it's an interesting pairing. _**

**_xSilentWolf- I'll never be tired of it! Love you too much. Everyone needs fluff… I need fluff. This chapter better be chocolate chip cookie worthy, or I will flip out._**

**_Alright! As always, thank you tons for reading and if you wouldn't mind, please leave a review! They always make me super happy. Most importantly, enjoy!_**

* * *

_"You betrayed me!"_

_Syndra's mentor shook his head, sweeping a hand in front of him. _

_"Syndra, please understand. The spell is for your safety; for the safety of Ionia. It's to teach you restraint. It is not a betrayal."_

_Syndra's hands were shaking, and for a couple of seconds, she was too furious to think of a response. She stepped forward, her hands tightening into fists._

_"You mean to make me weak!"_

_Her mentor stepped away, holding one hand up in warning. _

_"Syndra. If you can't control yourself, I will make the spell permanent. Please, restrain."_

_In a better state of mind, Syndra may have been able to see how irrational she was acting, but as it was… She was entirely too angry to see reason, and despite her mentor's efforts, still in control of some of her power. She raised one trembling fist, and her mentor raised with it; and when Syndra threw her hand to the side, he followed, only where her hand had stopped, he continued to move, crashing into the walls of the temple. _

_For one brief moment, there was nothing but silence; then all at once there was a rush of energy, filling Syndra with all the power that had been stolen from her for so long. Where her hands before were shaking with anger, they were now shaking with pure, unrestrained magic, and Syndra could feel that there was nothing to stop her, no one to steal what was rightfully hers._

_She could do anything. _

_She didn't give her mentor a parting glance before rushing outside, surveying the temples that were meant to be a prison. She couldn't go back to the society that had condoned this… No, she was above that, above them all, and this prison … it was all hers._

_She lifted her hands, flush with the new power, noticing that the magic around her fingers was no longer yellow, but a rich purple, deciding that she much preferred the deeper hue. She eyed the temples, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips; yes, she was above everyone in Ionia. She used every bit of the new power to rip the temples from their foundations, and with gaining momentum, lift them high into the sky, above the forest and the foolish society that had done nothing but hold her back. _

_She lifted her new fortress until it was higher than anything in Ionia, until she was above everything and everyone. She stood at the precipice of her new home, the dark spheres around her illuminating a wicked smile._ _To have all this power at her disposal, to be able to exercise it at will, was nothing short of intoxicating. Up here, there was no restraint. There were no elders, there were no boundaries. She was free._

_"__**I **__am in control."_

* * *

"Karma!"

Karma lifted her head, trying to find the body attached to the voice she definitely did not expect to hear in her garden, at this time of day. But sure enough, there she was, walking through the open doors of Karma's cottage and threading her way through the garden. Karma would have thought Irelia would be working –it was the middle of the day, after all- so she expected it was very important… and with her luck, most likely bad news.

"Captain Lito."

Karma stood from where she'd been sitting, bowing respectfully. Irelia didn't bother with any pleasantries; from the look on her face, she didn't want to be here and she definitely came on unfortunate circumstances. Her mouth pinched uncomfortably, and for a moment, Karma almost thought she would leave before she said anything.

"It's… I'm doing this for you, and only because of what you've done for me."

Karma cocked her head in confusion.

"I don't understand."

Irelia's awkward stance turned into one of forced composure, and she averted her gaze before speaking.

"Your… pet. Syndra. The elders know she has an alliance with the Master of Shadows. They mean to move against her."

Of all the terrible things Karma had the brief time to imagine, this was by far the least expected. She was too stunned to say anything, at first; she just stared at Irelia for much longer than was polite. She blinked rapidly after a few seconds, remembering that she wasn't supposed to know anything about Zed and Syndra, and that she was the only one who _wasn't _supposed to know Zed was the one who brought Syndra to her when she was injured.

"An alliance? What do you mean?"

Irelia shrugged.

"They don't know. But they have information from an apparently very reliable source. It's high treason, Karma."

Karma knew full well what it was, and the repercussions. But what could she do?

"How long?"

Irelia smiled ruefully.

"How long do you have to warn her? The elders haven't decided what course of action they want to take yet, since they don't think there's any immediate danger. A month."

A month? That was more time than she could ever ask for, but still, considering Syndra's habits, might not be enough time to reach her. She shook her head, and placed a hand on Irelia's arm.

"I know this was difficult. I will never be able to thank you enough."

Irelia didn't say anything, just nodded curtly and left the garden, shaking the discomfort from her shoulders on the way out. Karma waited until she could no longer hear the Captain's footsteps to run into the house, pulling her stationary from its usual spot on one of her end tables. She had an idea; an idea that was not very well thought out and had very little planning, but an idea that she thought was Syndra's only hope at avoiding the wrath of all of Ionia. All she needed was Syndra to see the letter, and her complete and utter compliance.

Gods help them all.

* * *

_Karma stood before the high elders, all gathered in an unusual meeting of extreme circumstance. The elder with the most influence, the oldest, was the first and only to speak to Karma._

_"She killed an elder… and I am not quite sure what name to give the offense of raising the temples into the sky. The spell he placed on her is broken. She is unimaginably dangerous. A threat to all of Ionia."_

_Karma's mouth twisted into an expression of anger that had become quite familiar to her in the past few days._

_"There should never have __**been**__ a spell. I sent her there to learn, not to be deceived."_

_The elder waved his hand, dismissing Karma's point._

_"It is of little consequence currently. We need to determine our next course of action."_

_"You ask me for help now? Now that you've deliberately lied to me and discounted everything I've said?"_

_Karma had never in her life disrespected a high elder in such a way, or anyone else, for that matter, but she had never been so angry. The elder, for some reason, forgave her insolence, spreading his hands in what Karma assumed was a gesture of good will._

_"We have a problem, Karma. I believe you are our best solution at a nonviolent resolution."_

_Karma tilted her chin back, and tried not to let her lip curl when she responded._

_"Let me speak to her. I know she will not listen to anyone else."_

_The elder drummed his fingers on the long, wooden desk him and the rest of the elders were seated at, contemplating the request._

_"Very well. We will be expecting a report."_

_Karma bowed stiffly, not able to find it in herself to say thank you for the opportunity to talk to Syndra before anyone else took action. This was their fault, for lying to her and to Syndra._

_It was Karma's fault for sending her there at all._

_If she'd just been more patient, if she'd just given Syndra a little more time and attention, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe Syndra would still be living with her, learning how to use her powers with someone who cared about her safety and well-being. This parley with Syndra, it was nothing._

_She owed her so much more._

* * *

"Am I doing it right?"

Zed laughed, placing a hand at Syndra's elbow and adjusting the angle of her arm.

"Not quite."

Syndra rolled her eyes; she'd been watching the students all morning, how could she not have it right?

"Are you sure? Or are you saying that because I've mastered it so quickly?"

It was Zed's turn to roll his eyes.

"You think very highly of yourself."

Syndra grinned, letting him adjust her other arm.

"_You_ think very highly of me."

Zed didn't say anything, just stepped away and studied her stance with a very critical and experienced eye. Syndra tried to hold the pose, becoming more frustrated the longer he went without speaking. She finally dropped her arms after almost a minute, pouting at Zed's carefully stoic expression.

"It was perfect."

Zed shook his head, losing all his earlier mirth and becoming completely serious.

"I'll show you."

He stepped back to her, and she let him raise her arms like before, holding them in place when he moved his hands elsewhere; elsewhere being her hips, apparently.

"Much too rigid."

His voice slipped into the cadence reserved for specifically disciplining students, contrasting greatly with where he currently had his hands. He slid them from her hips to the small of her back, moving them ever so slowly downwards, and letting them rest almost halfway down the back of her thighs.

"You need to be more…"

Syndra hadn't really been paying attention to what he was saying, or anything else really; only the fluttering in the bottom of her stomach and the trail of warmth Zed's hands had left across her skin, so it wasn't quite as shocking as it usually would have been when she found herself pressed up against the wall behind her, the motion much too fast for her to catch in her current state. Zed pulled her legs up, crossing them behind his back and leaning into her neck.

"Flexible."

She wasn't sure if he said anything after that, because Zed was making it very hard to concentrate; the lips against her throat, the hands at her breast, the smell in what little air there was between them. Every new thing made it that much harder to think and that much harder to control herself. She arched her hips, practically begging for more.

Zed held her there, pinned against the wall for what seemed like an eternity before whisking her away, freeing a hand to open the door to their right and laying her on their bed. She pushed him away very, very briefly, only to strip what little clothing she'd bothered to put on that day, waiting for him to do the same before pulling him back, even closer than before.

This was, without question, her favorite place to be; nothing between them at all, free to rub up against every inch of skin and muscle. She never wanted to leave; she never _had_ to leave. She pulled his face to hers, grinning against his lips.

"So teach me."

* * *

Karma paced the cottage, every lap making it harder and harder not to scream out in frustration.

It had been much too long.

Her letter to Syndra was clearly marked urgent; there was nothing more urgent than Syndra responding _right away._ And yet, here she was, her month grace period nearly over and not a word back. Syndra couldn't be ignoring her; even someone that headstrong and independent could see the kind of trouble she was in, and if anything, she would answer back to Karma to let her know how much she didn't need her.

So what was the problem?

She jerked to a standstill, stopping mid rotation when the obvious answer finally occurred to her. Of course Syndra didn't respond… Because she wasn't at the fortress. No, of course she wasn't. That was the whole reason they were in this situation, because Syndra just couldn't stay at the fortress. So she was at the order then; the order the elders were forbidden from ever contacting, even if she knew how.

"So how does anyone _ever_ get in touch with the Master of Shadows?"

Her frustration finally got the better of her, and she screamed the sarcastic rhetorical question into a very empty room. She continued her pacing, only completing one lap before being filled with the most vile, sickening feeling she'd ever experienced.

_You ask his shadow. _


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: Sorry for the late update… again! Writers block and all that. Also, I know this chapter might be a little… confusing, but I couldn't really provide context without giving anything away. I'll make sure to explain everything you guys ask about in my next A/N, so no worries!_**

**_CorporalNoob: Well he's like that with only one lady, so how good is he really?_**

**_Ulcaasi- Doesn't everything always sound better in our heads?_**

**_Ayex- Thank you! Hopefully the chapter meets your expectations._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you! Hopefully you know I respect yours too :S I don't want to seem rude or anything. The ending was my favorite part, glad you enjoyed it :]_**

**_xSilentWolf- Squealing = Success. *highfive* Chocolate cookies, yay! God, I hate writers block, but if you ever do write anything, make sure to tell me! Bake lots of cookies… lots. _**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Thank you very much! I know this update wasn't fast, but I'm trying to work on it. Fun fact- I am also Greek ^-^_**

**_Lyraa- Thank you so much c: Sorry for making you wait for updates so long! I actually have a very hard time dealing with the fact that I'm awful at Zed, because he's so much fun and I love his character so much. Love you too!_**

**_Redgrave- Mmmm keep in mind though, she's been abandoned by everyone her whole life, and the one place she thought she would fit in was a lie, so (in my opinion) she has a pretty good reason to act bratty. The only thing she's ever had was Karma and her powers, and she didn't have Karma when she was with her mentor, so he was taking the only thing she had left. So she was acting spoiled, but not for no reason. _**

**_Alright! Thank you wonderful people for reviewing, I really do love to read feedback, and it makes me so happy that people enjoy the story. As always, thank you for reading, leave a review if you'd like, and please enjoy!_**

* * *

"She sent… you."

Zed shrugged, the picture of nonchalance.

"She is upset. Understandably."

Karma pursed her lips, being careful to keep her gaze focused on anything but Zed.

"She is irresponsible."

It was abundantly clear that Karma didn't just mean Syndra was irresponsible for not even bothering to meet with Karma after what she'd told her, but the man in front of her didn't seem to be affected by the thinly veiled accusation. He didn't even shrug this time.

The meeting wasn't getting any less uncomfortable; Karma cleared her throat, hoping to move the proceedings along, but he spoke before her.

"She'll do it."

Karma sighed in relief, the worry that had been eating away at her finally lifted. If Syndra was willing to comply this time, for once in her life, they may actually have a chance to avoid any conflict with the other elders of Ionia. It made her face pinch to do it, but she managed to force her next words out.

"Thank you."

Zed didn't answer, and Karma lifted her eyes from where they'd been carefully studying her rug, expecting him to be gone. She was unpleasantly surprised; he was still there, leaning against the open doorframe as casually as anyone she'd ever seen. This time, she didn't drop her gaze; no, she was much too angry to let him leave without having said anything at all.

"This is your fault."

There was no reaction, of course. He didn't shift, didn't speak, and that unbearable mask hid anything that might give away any hint of an emotion. She didn't know how Syndra could ever stand it.

"I know."

* * *

**_She wants you to join the League. The Ionians won't be able to harm a champion of their own country._**

_Syndra shook her head, smiling ruefully the wall. It was a good idea, for such short notice, but Syndra didn't think she'd ever heard something so terrible. But what else was there?_

_"I don't even have a choice."_

_Zed didn't say anything, just watched her continue to shake her head long after the shadow was finished speaking. _

_"If I don't do what Karma says… if I don't join the League, we have nothing. The elders have already decided against me."_

_The League; hadn't Karma asked her to join before? It was easy to refuse then, when all of Ionia wasn't bent on ending her life. And now, her best option at peace was to join the institute that would let commoners control her, and for what? Entertainment? It was barbaric._

_Syndra was going to be sick. _

_She waved a hand at Zed, trying to ignore how nauseous the last few minutes had made her. _

_"Tell Karma I'll do it. I need…"_

_She shook her head again, standing from her chair and heading outside._

_"I need to be alone."_

* * *

Syndra tapped her fingers on the edge of her bed, trying to keep the frequency of the taps even and steady.

This was taking a lot longer than it should.

Or maybe her perception of time wasn't quite right; she was strung out, tired, and miserable, and the last thing she wanted was to be left alone with her thoughts anymore. Maybe she should have gone with Zed to see Karma… she certainly needed to talk to her, but with the future journey to the Institute, they would have more than enough time. Syndra shuddered, and dropped her head into her hands.

The League.

The _one_ thing she couldn't do, and of course it was Karma's only solution. Join the League, so strangers can force you to fight and do as they say, so you can be safe, so they can protect you from the Ionians.

So you can be controlled again.

It was tempting to let the elders search her out, to test every limit of her power against the society that deserved nothing more than her wrath. If she was faced with this situation a few years ago, prior to meeting Zed, she had no doubt that that's what she would have done; fought the Ionians until she couldn't possibly fight anymore. But now… Now, it wasn't just about her. Before, she didn't have anyone to stay safe for. There was no one in the entire world besides Karma who would have cared if she lived or died, if Ionia crushed the life from her.

But things were different… _ she_ was different. And it would be selfish to throw away her life for pride alone, when she wasn't the only one who cared about it anymore. She owed Zed enough that she had to try; join the League, try to avoid bringing attention to herself once she was safe. After all, this was her problem to fix. She didn't know how the elders knew about her and Zed, but of the two of them, it was almost certain it was her fault. She'd slipped a few times; she hadn't been careful enough to keep things secret and now she would have to accept the consequences.

If only the consequences didn't involve joining the League.

The click of a door opening distracted her from her anguished thoughts, and Syndra looked up, waiting for the second door to open. Zed pushed it open slowly, making sure she was awake before walking into the room. He joined her at the edge of the bed, close enough for Syndra to lean her head against his shoulder.

"How did it go?"

Zed shrugged his unoccupied arm.

"Fine. She will be happy to see you, despite the circumstances."

Syndra made a noise very similar to a grunt; of course Karma would be happy to see her… happy to see her join the League, too.

"She wants to leave tomorrow. She doesn't think you have a lot of time left."

Syndra closed her eyes, pursing her lips to keep from screaming something obscene.

Tomorrow.

She wouldn't even have time to think about it, to wrap her head around the situation. She didn't know how it was possible, but things actually got worse.

She pulled her knees up to her chin, prompting Zed to secure an arm around her shoulders to keep her from falling over.

"Everything is so…"

She lifted her hands, trying to think of a word to perfectly describe the misery she felt.

"Wrong."

She wrapped her arms around her knees, frowning at the very lackluster explanation. She tried to focus on where she was now; safe, for the moment, and Zed was here, still at home. The corner of her mouth pulled down when something new occurred to her; she would be stuck traveling with Karma for a considerable amount of time, and there would be no one else with them until they arrived at the Institute.

"I'm going to miss you."

Zed's arm constricted, pulling her curled up form closer. He was out of his depth when it came to consoling her, but he didn't want Syndra to leave any more than she did.

"As will I."

* * *

Syndra groaned, pulling her blanket over her head in an effort to shut out what little morning light there was. As ineffective as the blanket was at shutting out light, it was infinitely worse at canceling the loud rumble of thunder, and as hard as she tried Syndra couldn't fall back asleep.

She threw the blanket away from her face, eyes drifting to the small window in the room. Murky light illuminated a steadily growing rainfall, and Syndra groaned again. Perfect travel weather. She grabbed a hooded cloak appropriate for the weather from Zed's very small closet, making sure to dress warmly underneath it; already she could feel the chill from outside.

Syndra walked into the sitting room, half expecting Zed to be waiting for her there, and biting back disappointment when the room proved to be empty. She made her morning tea very, very slowly, glancing at the door an absurd amount of times and trying to listen for footsteps over the rain. She gave up after she'd been staring at the dregs of her tea for several minutes, donning the heavy coat and walking into the rain.

She was supposed to head straight to Karma's cottage, but she took one tiny detour, hoping to find Zed in the meeting temple of the order. The room wasn't empty, but she wasn't surprised when Zed was nowhere to be found. She stood at the entrance, tracing her eyes over the few people gathered once more, perking up slightly when one person detached from the group and approached her. The ninja bowed, her features already apologetic. She opened her mouth to speak, but Syndra shook her head. She'd been in this situation enough times to know what she had to say, and already her stomach was turning with the familiarity.

"I know. Thank you."

The girl inclined her head, and asked.

"Would you like me to pass anything along?"

Syndra had a few choice words she'd love to deliver herself, but she'd already wasted enough time, and didn't want to waste the students' as well. She shook her head again, and turned to leave. She was almost back into the rain when she whirled back around, raising a hand.

"Wait!"

The woman turned around, waiting for her to speak. Syndra's hand drooped as she thought of what to say, face pulling into a frown.

"Don't tell him I was here."

The girl looked confused, but nodded, and Syndra walked back outside, pulling her hood up against the rain.

* * *

Karma was pacing outside of her house when Syndra arrived, her white coat darkened by rain and boots already muddy. She still smiled when she saw Syndra, joining her on the path. Syndra was planning on a quiet trip, but Karma was eager to fill the silence.

"I'm sorry you had to leave right away. I tried to reach you sooner, but you were… unavailable."

Syndra didn't know what to say; she didn't want to explain why she didn't want to stay at the fortress anymore, and she wasn't in a particularly talkative mood. She shrugged in answer, hoping Karma would take the hint.

She was disappointed.

"You might like the Institute. There are other gifted mages there, from all around the world. And after you join, you do not have to stay. Very rarely do they request a champion's presence. You can return to Ionia."

It sounded marginally less terrible than she imagined, but nothing Karma said would make the situation okay.

"Syndra…"

Her voice was different this time, quieter and more serious.

"I know that you think this is like the last time."

She stepped ahead of Syndra on the path, blocking her way so that Syndra was forced to look at her when she finished her sentence.

"I am so very sorry."

Syndra knew she meant that she wasn't just sorry for what was happening now, that she was sorry for leaving her with that mentor all those years ago, for letting the elders lie to her and steal her power. She was sorry for how everything turned out, so angry and terrible. She was sorry for giving up on her.

Any other day, Syndra might have been tempted to forgive her, or maybe even grace her with a response, but Karma picked the wrong morning to attempt reconciliation. Syndra forced her way around Karma, continuing down the path and hoping to the gods that the rest of the trip was nothing like the beginning of it.

She found it very fitting when the sky accentuated her dismissal with a crack of thunder, increasing the rainfall just enough so that her and Karma could continue the journey in miserable silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: Pretty quick update, and I have half of the next chapter very tentatively written, so hopefully I can get that one up soon as well. _**

**_AYEX- Thank you for the compliment ^-^ I will most definitely continue. _**

**_CorporalNoob- Oh gosh… family time. I'm glad I uploaded this in time._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- I almost left out the League entirely, but I had a pretty good idea that I could use it for, so I'm glad you like it. Okay good, I'm just paranoid about being mean or rude to anyone :S Thank you so much! I still have a hard-ish time believe that people actually like it. _**

**_xSilentWolf- Scared the crap out of me. LISTEN HERE. I REALLY LIKE TEARING THEM APART. But rly, I thought you knew. I am the smush lover, the absolute fluff monster. I need my fluff. I live for fluff. So pls. _**

**_Teemo… cookie. Oh we have a problem. I still love you though-_**

**_Alright! Thank you for reading and if you would be so kind, leave a review! They always make my day. Enjoy!_**

* * *

_Why do you want to join the League?_

The voice in her head was eerily reminiscent of Zed's shadow, if slightly less malicious. Syndra chose not to answer; they could already see into her head, her every thought and memory. She didn't need to explain why she was here.

_The Dark Sovereign is… not scared. Eager?_

The illusion she was in made it look and feel like Syndra was alone in the forest, alone at night with nowhere to go and no one to find her. She walked calmly between the trees, waiting for the voice to finish the point it was making and to end the charade.

_Eager to prove yourself. You don't want to be here, but this is the perfect opportunity to make the Ionians afraid. _

The dream forest was ending, giving way to freshly torn apart earth and a crumbled, barren cliff side, littered with fallen debris and devoid of life. Syndra's breath caught when she recognized the spot, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't walk away. She couldn't see the fortress above them, but she knew…

_Eager to prove you're not a murderer. _

The forest melted away before Syndra could panic, and she was once again in the small, blinding room that the League officials had brought her to, squinting against the harsh lighting. She leaned out of her chair, towards the small man in the summoners robes that hardly filled his own seat, and lifted her chin.

"I will always be a murderer."

The man shrunk, sinking into his chair, but laughed anyway. Syndra had been in his company for no more than an hour, and already she despised the vile creature.

"Welcome to the League."

* * *

Syndra tugged the hood she was wearing over her eyes, frowning when it slid backwards again. She loosened the hair tie at the back of her head, letting her hair flow over the front of her coat but successfully pulling the hood over her face once more.

"You don't have to hide."

Syndra growled at Karma's voice; she had a headache already, and the last thing she needed was a lecture.

"It's much too bright."

Karma was inclined to agree; the hallway they were walking down was lined every inch of the way with overbearing fluorescents, a stark contrast to the torchlight they were both used to back home. Still, Syndra looked… creepy, with the dark floor-length cloak pulled over her face. She sighed, deciding that neither of them was in the mood to argue about something so trivial. She stopped when the hallway split, gently grabbing Syndra's shoulder to keep her from continuing passed her.

"My room is down this way. Follow that hallway to the end, and someone at the desk there will assign you a room."

Syndra nodded beneath the hood, turning on her heel and stalking away. She wasn't tired, exactly, but she was eager to get a room that was hopefully darker than the rest of the building. She kept her eyes on the floor while she was walking; if she stared hard enough, she could almost see her reflection in the shiny white tile. She was so focused on finding the lines of her face in the floor that she didn't hear another person walking down the relatively narrow corridor, until she clipped the person with her shoulder. Syndra tilted her head back, not quite enough for the stranger to see her face, but finding herself much too close for comfort to another girl about her size, only dressed much more… sparingly, with dark hair that even tied back flowed almost to the back of her legs. The girl bent at the waist, bowing in what Syndra assumed was a polite manner, even though her eyes were narrowed in irritation.

"Pardon."

She hurried off down the hallway, taking another turn that neither she nor Karma had been on before Syndra could say anything. She stared at the empty hallway in annoyance; she wasn't used to impoliteness coming from someone that wasn't her, and she hadn't even gotten a chance to say anything.

Syndra walked the rest of the way with her eyes kept carefully off the floor, but thankfully didn't run into anyone else. At the end of the hallway, like Karma promised, was an open lobby branching off into several different hallways and an oversized desk, made of the same shiny white tile as the floors. There was only one girl seated, a tiny blonde thing dressed in navy and smiling at nothing in particular. Syndra reluctantly approached the desk, making sure to adjust her hood again.

"I require a room."

The girl smiled at her less than polite tone, her teeth making Syndra flinch. Was everything in this accursed building the same white? She tapped a thin finger on the small notebook in front of her, hovering over a list of names.

"You must be Syndra! Silly- you already have a room."

Syndra bristled; if she _had _a room, she wouldn't be standing here. She curled her lip when she realized that Karma must have already gotten her a room while she was being interrogated, and conveniently forgot to tell her in a very pathetic attempt to get her to walk around. Well, nothing about the barren room impressed her, and the two people she'd had the misfortune to meet were doing nothing to sway her decision about the institute.

The blonde's smile faltered for a moment, taking in Syndra's uncomfortable posture and the stiff arms at her sides.

"But… the room number is 87."

She tapped her lip, considering for a moment, and reached into one of the many drawers around her legs, then handed Syndra a small plastic card that she assumed was her room key. She pointed back down the hallway, towards where Karma's room was.

"Straight back the way you came, but take the hallway on your third left. It's at the end of the corridor. A bit of a walk, but it's relatively private."

Private: finally, something that didn't make her cringe. Syndra mumbled what she hoped was an acceptable thank you, flinching when the girl called after her.

"Have a brilliant day!"

Syndra hurried down the hallway, noting with relief that it was empty the entire way down and finally letting her hood fall, shaking out her damp hair. As luck would have it, it poured the morning they arrived at the institute, and Syndra hadn't gotten a chance to dry off her hair or her clothes; it didn't help that the institute was kept at an absurdly low temperature.

Syndra studied the walls as she walked, half fascinated and half disgusted at how perfectly white and stark everything was; how could they possibly keep the entire institute so pristine? No matter how far she went, everything remained exactly the same… and the loud girl was right; the room _was_ a bit of a walk, but the hallway was as she promised: quiet, empty, and Syndra could've sworn even the lighting was darker. She found her room at the end of the hall, sighing happily at the metal 87 fixed to the middle of the door. She lifted the hand clutched around the key card, lifting it towards the door and… stopping, the card millimeters away from the lock.

There was someone inside.

Syndra slowly leaned her head closer, carefully placing an ear against the door. There was the distinct sound of a shower running, and Syndra frowned, pulling her head away. Was it the right room? She checked the number again; 87, like the girl said, and it matched the number on the key card she had. So… it was Karma? Karma went to her room… a longer walk, instead of hers… to take a shower?

The sound of the water cutting off distracted her, and Syndra leaned against the door again, listening for the quiet noise of the bathroom door opening. She twisted her mouth, standing up straight and shaking her hair out behind her. This was beyond irritating; Karma's previous attempts at some sort of friendship were merely annoying, but now she was going too far. She swiped the card, missing the first time in her anger and shoving the door open when it finally clicked, squinting into a room that was much darker than she anticipated. She used the hand still holding her key to search the wall to her right, fumbling for a light switch.

"Karma! I have had enough of your games!"

She struggled for only a few more seconds before a light she didn't turn on blinked into existence, the same irritating brightness as everything else. She squeezed her eyes shut, blinking them rapidly after a moment to clear her vision.

It was definitely not Karma.

"What games?"

Syndra blinked a few more times before letting her frown break into a smile.

"Zed!"

He was there, impossibly; dripping wet and wrapping a towel around his waist, but _there. _Syndra kicked the door shut behind her, crossing the room as fast as she could force herself and wrapping her arms around Zed's neck, burying her face against his shoulder. The journey from Ionia to the Institution had almost taken a month, and she hadn't heard from him the entire time; she hadn't even gotten to say goodbye… She pulled away when she remembered whose fault that was, frowning as disapprovingly as she could manage in her current position.

"I am very angry with you."

Zed grinned, placing his hands on either side of Syndra's face and bending into a kiss that made up for every day of silence and one measly missed goodbye, that left her breathless and not quite able to remember why she had any reason to be upset in the first place. He let his forehead rest against hers, leaning into Syndra's hand when she moved one from the back of his neck and to his cheek.

"I've missed you."

His voice was a whisper now, and Syndra closed her eyes, unable to believe just yet that he was really _here. _She wanted to make absolutely sure; she moved her hand from his cheek to his chin, tilting it so she could press her lips to his again. She held him there until she physically couldn't anymore, finally pulling away to gasp for breath.

"As I have."

Zed waited until Syndra's breathing returned to normal to hold her a little distance away, gently placing the back of one of his hands against her cheek.

"You're freezing."

She _was_ freezing, now that he'd reminded her, and she pulled away, shrugging the wet cloak from her shoulders and beginning to pull at the buttons of her shirt, tossing the coat in a corner of the room.

"A hot shower sounds nice."

She was sure to be generous with the sarcasm, stripping the rest of her damp clothes. Zed rolled his eyes, giving Syndra the chance to snake her arms around his neck again, bringing her face dangerously close to his. Sidled up against him with significantly less between them, Syndra was more than aware of all the skin that rubbed against hers, and the muscles she traced with the hand she moved from behind his neck and slowly, carefully down his chest. She shivered in delight, lips curling into a grin, free hand tugging at the towel tied not so securely at his waist.

"Care to join me?"

And even though Zed was still dripping from his own shower, he let her lead him away, abandoning the towel at the bathroom door.

* * *

Syndra was blissfully happy.

Even though she was tired and the bed was too stiff and she terribly missed home, she was warm and curled around Zed, still not quite over the surprise of him being there. She sighed, murmuring into the dark.

"I never did ask why you were here."

Zed laughed, continuing to twirl her hair around his fingers.

"No, you were quite distracted."

Syndra swatted his arm feebly, prompting an answer.

"We are…"

His already quiet voice trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"You are not alone. So I joined. "

He finished with a shrug, and although he hadn't said much, Syndra couldn't stop the smile that curved her lips. She closed her eyes, settling against his chest, sighing once more.

"I love you."

"As do I."

* * *

_And why do you want to join the League?_

_Zed stood in the midst of a silent war; his shadow order was beginning the coup of the Kinkou, and he could see everything exactly as he remembered it. He could see the mirage Shen, wading through the crowd, fresh sorrow on his face and murder in his eyes; he could smell the blood and the sweat and the fear, he could feel the energy in the air that you could practically touch. He could see it, feel it, remember it, but he couldn't hear it, and watched in fascination as the ninjas around him died in silence. He shrugged, standing completely still despite the unsettling realness of the fight. _

_"You know why."_

_The voice laughed, seemingly amused. _

_"You join for her… You feel responsible. But you do not fully understand the depth of your action."_

_The order was gone before Zed could ask, all the students gone in an instant. He was once again in the induction room, seated across from a female summoner that managed to grin at him despite the cowl over her face. _

_"Welcome to the League."_


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N:_**

**_CorporalNoob- I try my very hardest._**

**_Tahimikamaxtli- You are absolutely 100% right._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you :3 Okay, good! I want everyone to be happy. No bad, rude people here. Will do!_**

**_theQueen- I'M SORRY I'M SORRY. _**

**_TheBosnianWizrd- oh. God. No. I hate Shaco, I hate Braum. No no no no no. _**

**_The Greek Geek3010- aww shucks! Thank you!_**

**_xSilentWolf- All the fluffy almost-smut for you! I had to have him join, them being apart really breaks me up. But yes, you are 100% genius. _**

**_Oh god. Soft baked. Many thanks!_**

**_Redgrave- I'd like to think she is well on her way to growing up, but we'll see! Ah yes, feelings. Gotta love it c:_**

**_theQueen- I'm actually working up the nerve to write a lemon, but I think I'd upload it separately instead of sticking in the story. It's rated M because I'm a big wuss and I'm scared of getting in trouble._**

**_Lyraa- I actually didn't really want to put her in the League, but I saw an opportunity for a story line I really liked so I'm going with it. I love the cute stuff c: very glad you enjoyed it. Yay, gold star! The first part of the story was 24 chapters I believe, so around there unless I either run out of ideas or come up with something I think it super great and feel the need to continue for longer. _**

**_Ulcaasi- I actually started League pretty late too- around Vi patch. But Syndra joined first :] (Released first)_**

**_Alright guys! Trying to keep updates quick, failing miserably, and I apologize. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra tugged on the edge of one of her shirts, groaning when she couldn't safely pull it from beneath Zed's weight. He was sprawled across every available inch of her already miniscule bed, dressed in full order uniform; it was the armor that was making it impossible to get anything he'd laid on out from under him, and she was getting frustrated.

"Did they not give you your own room?"

Zed smiled, turning over on his side long enough for Syndra to retrieve what she needed before falling back to the mattress.

"I never asked for one."

Syndra narrowed her eyes, pausing what she was doing just to glare.

"Unbelievable."

He flipped the mask in his hands, trying not to laugh at her expression.

"I was under the impression you enjoyed having me here."

Syndra shook her head, tugging her retrieved shirt on. He not so subtly tracked the movement, feigning indifference.

"Which of us do you really think enjoys it more?"

Zed grabbed her wrist when she passed by the bed again, pulling a not so reluctant Syndra very carefully onto his chest.

"Do you want to find out?"

She let Zed pull her into a kiss, trying her best to appear as uninterested as possible. It was a little difficult to be convincing when she was slowly leaning into it, but she did actually have somewhere to be, and besides, the armor really was a problem; already it was pressing uncomfortably against her ribs, and she shifted away.

"Karma will be here soon."

Zed held onto her arm, an almost irresistible invitation.

"She's not here yet."

Syndra rolled her eyes, batting away the hand. She stood up, straightening her clothes and standing out of arm's reach of the bed.

"It looks nice, but the armor is very uncomfortable."

She was saved from being pulled back onto the bed by a very quiet knock at the door, and she turned back to Zed one last time.

"Half an hour. I'll meet you…?"

He waved a hand, then placed both behind his head and closed his eyes, settling more comfortably against the pillows.

"I'll find you."

Despite who she was talking to Syndra still looked skeptical, and she felt the need to reiterate.

"Half an hour."

She turned back to the door when he didn't answer, opening it just enough to slip through. She bowed customarily to Karma, narrowing her eyes at the lights as she did so. She and Zed rarely left their little apartment, and Syndra insisted on keeping it dark.

"One moment."

She dashed back inside, back to her bed where she sifted through the small pile of clothes, moving Zed periodically out of the way. Karma watched her pull her coat from the pile, tugging the hood on before leaning over Zed and kissing him very quickly goodbye. It was strange enough, considering the two people in question; she had expected a much different dynamic between the two. When she'd first heard of their 'alliance' from Irelia, in her mind she pictured a more sadistic kind of partnership, but this… The way he looked at her when she couldn't see, and the way her face lit up even after she closed the door behind her and pulled the hood over her face, was nothing near what Karma ever imagined. It was almost difficult for her to remember who exactly Zed was, and all the lives he'd claimed since he took over the Kinkou. The man she saw kissing Syndra goodbye was a murderer, and it disturbed Karma how easy it was for her to forget.

Karma led Syndra down the hall in silence; she knew Syndra preferred it this way, but it wasn't easy for her to remain quiet when she had so much on her mind.

"You realize he is the reason you are here."

Karma had a way of speaking that made the sentence carry no judgment, just a quiet statement of fact. Syndra sighed underneath the hood, but kept her pace even and stayed at Karma's side.

"Not today, Karma."

The way she said it meant not ever, and for the first time in years, Karma realized how futile it was for her to try to change anything about Syndra. She'd been spending so much of her time worrying herself sick about her, when all Syndra cared about was herself, and now, apparently, the murderous ninja. This was beyond Karma, had been for years, and she was surprised how long it took her to realize.

Syndra glanced at her from underneath the hood, surprised that she actually didn't respond. She just kept walking, leading Syndra passed the lobby of the institute and down a hallway Syndra had yet to explore, ignoring a majority of the earlier doorways. She gestured occasionally, rarely pointing out a doorway.

"Training rooms, meditation rooms, and… here."

She stopped outside one of the more ornate entranceways, a large wooden door that was intricately carved.

"The institute has its own library, filled with literature from every corner of the world. It's usually quite empty, and spacious enough for you to… avoid interaction."

It sounded perfect to Syndra; a quiet place where she could read away from the rest of the people in the institute.

"I have something else to attend to, if you'll excuse me…"

Karma didn't seem right; distracted, almost, and she hurried away before Syndra could thank her for showing her around. She turned back to the door, tracing her fingers over the woodwork. It was beautifully done; Syndra tried following a single line with her eyes, finding it impossible to stick with just one part of the pattern. She pushed the door with both hands, huffing a little at the weight and cringing when the door creaked; the inside of the library was so quiet, it made the slight noise almost painfully loud. But the _library;_ it was amazing. The ceiling was domed and curved far over her head, decorated with art that matched the etchings on the door. Every wall was lined with books, with rows and rows of shelves in-between, every type of book imaginable crammed into every available space. There was a large desk in the middle of the room, with a dim light shining over its only occupant. It was the same girl that was stationed in the institute lobby when Syndra had arrived, only this time instead of staring off into space her nose was buried in a book, eagerly and carefully flipping through the pages.

Syndra decided to avoid the desk entirely in favor of exploring the expansive room by herself, following the bookshelf that started at the right of the door first. She let her fingers trail over the spines of the books, simply admiring the inventory before searching for something specific to pick out. Every single book was different; some were pristine and brand new, some were ragged and covered in dust, some were imprinted with the same art as the rest of the library. It was all so incredible, this multitude of books, that Syndra was surprised there was no one else there.

Syndra walked along the entire curve of the room, coming back to the entrance on the opposite side of the doors. She surveyed the room again, deciding this time to wander between the shelves in the middle of the room. They were much taller up close, towering far above her head and packed closer than she initially thought. It reminded her of the forest back home; dark, closely packed trees, with all the quiet she loved. As entranced as she was it was easy for her to forget that her half hour before meeting Zed would be up soon. She picked a book off the shelf, fascinated by the gold bound spine and carried it with her deeper into the forest of shelves, occasionally plucking a book from the walls around her. She was far, far into the library when she found a tiny little nook of overstuffed armchairs, nestled deep within the shelves and as distant as possible from the entrance. She couldn't hear anything from back here; she couldn't see passed the shelves, couldn't see over them. She picked the biggest chair, placed her small stack of books by her feet and lifted the one on top, sinking into the chair and smiling in a moment of bliss.

She needed this.

She needed the break away from everyone and everything, to have a little time to herself to curl up with a book in silence and seclusion. The book itself was written in a language she was unfamiliar with, but the script was artfully handwritten and Syndra was lost in the beauty of it. She flipped carefully through the pages, then put the book back on the floor and took another from the stack. This time, an Ionian account of the Runewars, printed neat and small, filling every inch of space on every page. Syndra flipped through every book at her feet, each one covered in unique art and filled with more languages than she ever knew existed. She was almost put out when Zed found her later on; she didn't particularly want to be disturbed, but he simply picked up the first book she had deposited and dropped into a chair, carefully pulling back the cover. Syndra was doing her best to ignore him and focus on the pages in her hands, but Zed had spent an awful lot of time on that book, and hadn't skipped through an of it like she did. She glared at him from beneath the hood she hadn't taken off yet, inexplicably annoyed at how easily he slipped into silence and absolutely entranced he seemed in the book in his lap. He looked up after a few minutes of Syndra staring him down, frowning at her expression.

"What?"

She jerked her chin at the book, folding her arms over her own.

"You've had it for quite a while."

He tilted his head in confusion.

"Noxian war stories. It's interesting."

Syndra leaned over the arm rest of her chair, practically piling into Zed's and snatching the book from his lap. It was like she thought; the first book she had, written in the language she had never seen.

"You understand it?"

He shrugged.

"It's ancient Ionian. Most of the Kinkou knew it."

Syndra chewed on her lip, fighting the keep the slight embarrassment off her face. Ancient Ionian; how did she not know that?

"I know."

She put her own book back on the floor, getting up from her chair and gracelessly falling into Zed's lap, letting her feet dangle off the side of one of the armrests and leaning her head against the front of Zed's shoulder. She opened the book back up, situating it on her legs so that Zed could see it.

"Read it."

Zed stared down at the small ball Syndra had curled herself into, waiting for her to look up. She let the corner of her lip twitch up, and kissed the bottom of his jaw.

"Please."

She pulled her coat off, piling it beneath her cheek and closing her eyes before he could respond. The armor was still pressing uncomfortably where the jacket wasn't, but Syndra was sleepy and happier than she had been in days, and for now, she didn't want to move. She tapped a fingernail against the armor closest to her face, catching Zed's attention.

"Zed?"

"Mhm?"

Syndra smiled against the coat.

"Quietly."

* * *

Syndra stretched awake, slow to realize at first that she was no longer curled up in the library but back in her apartment, tucked safely into the tiny bed. She yawned, easing her eyes open and immediately noticing the smell of freshly brewed tea. She sat up when she started to feel more awake, piling the pillows up so she had something to lean against. She smiled when Zed sat next to her, carefully placing a cup in her hands.

"I wanted to stay in the library."

She missed it already; the apartment was nowhere near as serene, and she couldn't remember any of the story Zed was reading to her. They _had_ to go back.

"They don't allow tea."

Syndra took a sip from the cup in her hands, grinning wider at the familiar comfort of green tea. It was a compelling argument; she wasn't sure if she wanted to give up the tea just yet. She lifted it to her lips again, but this time was pushed more towards sadness; she missed home, more than anything, as nice as some parts of the institute were. She frowned into her cup, angry at the tea for making her homesick. Her fingers constricted around the handle, and she forgot all about the wonderful library and relaxing day, unable to focus on anything but the desire to be far, far away from where she was

"Let's go home."

Zed leaned over, about to speak, and was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Syndra didn't lift her head; she'd let Zed get rid of Karma this time. She was far from being in the mood to deal with her, and Zed was probably much more effective at making her leave.

Syndra jerked her head up when she heard glass breaking against the tile floor, noticing first the shattered cup at Zed's feet and the small puddle of tea. She noticed the person at the door next; thin figure, long dark hair… the same girl she ran into the first day she was at the institute. What was she doing here? She was about to open her mouth when Zed spoke.

"Akali."

Akali? That was the girl... that was the girl that Selvi knew, the girl that Zed…

"Hello, Zed."


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: Holy cow, I am sorry. I know my update is very late, and I apologize. This chapter gave me a lot of problems, and I lost count of how many times I've rewritten it, but I finally think I got it in a good spot. At least I hope so, because I don't think I could handle writing it again._**

**_But again: Very sorry._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Who wouldn't freak out?_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- You're picking very strange champions. If I do want to include someone else, they would most likely be from Ionia, but I'm kind of hesitant to include other champions._**

**_Ulcaasi- that very… VERY…. Awkward moment_**

**_Bloody Grimoire- I won't give it away, but I will say that jealousy is a lot of fun to write~ Thank you!_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Gotta have Akali! Mmmm I don't want to spoil anything, but I don't think you have to worry about Zed x Akali too much. Thank you c: I hope your exam studying/exams went well, though._**

**_CorporalNoob- I have a few plans in mind for the Institute, so we'll see! It definitely opens up the story line a little._**

**_AYEX- Just the way we like it~_**

**_xSilentWolf- Your dad just doesn't understand :/ YOU ROOT FOR SYNDRA/ZED YOU FOOL. Oh fine, fine. I didn't want the cookie or anything ._**

**_Lyraa- Aww, I'm sorry about your badish day :[ I'm glad you felt better! Thank you very much c: I'm insanely glad you're enjoying the fic. All aboard the hype train!_**

**_Feng-Kun- Thank you! Pls don't hit me, I am fragile and small. :S_**

**_Alfrinn- No need to apologize :] YES. LOVE THE OTP, CHERISH THE OTP. You're welcome! And thank you very much for all the compliments :] It means so much to me. I'm kind of a Lissandra/Brand person myself- very interesting pairing there. Lissyndra is actually a really clever name, I like it. Hopefully your tests went well! Much love for the praise 3 _**

**_Alright! Again, sorry for taking forever to update; I know I always say I'm going to try not to take forever, and hopefully this time I can actually make good on that promise. But anyways! Read, review if you feel like it (I love them and appreciate them immensely) but please enjoy!_**

* * *

_"She won't get away with this. This will not spare her life."_

_Zed was pacing still, kicking aside broken glass as he went. Everything in the small apartment was shattered, spread across the floor in his rage. _

_He still wasn't finished. _

_Syndra tried to speak again, hoping for a better result this time._

_"What do you hope to accomplish? The League will protect her. There isn't anything you can do."_

_He whipped around to face her, chest heaving and eyes wild. This wasn't Zed; he'd never been like this before, so crazed and far from reason._

_ "She will die."_

_Syndra could do nothing but stare for a moment, unable to look away from the murder in Zed's eyes. Her next words were in the quietest of whispers, a stark contrast to all of the earlier screaming._

_ "You would die for this? You would risk your life and mine for revenge?"_

_He didn't answer her, but his silence was enough. Yes, he would. He would do anything to kill Akali, despite the League standing in his way, despite Syndra practically begging him to see reason. Her lip curled, and it was suddenly very unimportant to her to stay calm. _

_"I was wrong to expect anything else."_

_Syndra headed for the door, whirling around when she heard Zed following behind her. Her hand was already lifted, fingers curled into claws around the sphere in her palm. She could see her reflection in his eyes, still so wild; her own were glowing, the power she usually worked so hard to control just beneath the surface, so close to bursting. She looked unafraid, terrifying, vastly different from the turmoil she felt inside. _

_"Enough."_

_Her tone left no room for arguing, and this time when she headed for the door, there was no one behind her. She hurried away from the room, down the hallways that looked the same no matter how much you walked. She'd set out with almost no idea of where she wanted to go; Karma's room, maybe, perhaps the library._

_But why stay at all?_

_The thought of returning to the room, of having to listen to Zed explain all the reasons why he had to throw away his life for something so petty… It made her sick. She didn't want to be here; she wanted to be home, far away from Akali and Zed and the Institute. _

_She stood in the lobby of the Institute, eyes flicking from the hallway she knew the Library was in to the exit. From Zed to home. _

_Syndra picked home._

* * *

_Back so soon?_

Syndra threw her coat across her bed, quick to follow. She spread her arms across the pillows, fingertips grasping for the edges of the bed that were well out of her reach, eyes focused on the ceiling.

"Not soon enough."

The shadow perched on the edge of her bed, and if Syndra squinted, just barely stared from the corner of her eye, she could almost mistake the shape for someone else. She squeezed her eyes shut, and feeling an oncoming headache, pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What does he want?"

There was no other reason for the shadow to be here; Zed was checking up on her, even now.

As far as Ionia was from the Institute, she still couldn't get away.

_He's rather… anxious. _

Syndra snorted, the ridiculous notion almost making her laugh. Anxious? He wasn't the type.

"So reassure him. I am sure you will enjoy the Institute as much as I have."

She might be overdoing it with the sarcasm, but it was preferable to being angry.

_He is not at the Institute._

The corner of Syndra's mouth twitched, the only indication she gave that she heard the shadow at all. If Zed left the Institute, he'd be here; he would have made it back to Ionia before her…

"Where is he?"

The shadow took so long to speak, Syndra had almost given up on ever receiving an answer.

_He is in Ionia. _

As much as Syndra wished it were possible for her to slap the shadow, she had to give it credit; it was answering her questions, at least.

"_Where_ in Ionia? Why isn't he here?"

_I am not at liberty to disclose._

Syndra smiled ruefully; of course it wasn't. But this wasn't her problem, and she'd involved herself enough already. Her headache flared, and she waved a hand at where the shadow had been sitting, hoping it would understand.

"Leave. It's no matter to me where he chooses to go."

It laughed, not sounding like it had moved at all.

_Quite the lover's quarrel. He will return shortly._

Syndra hated the relief that followed the shadow's dismissal, choosing to attribute it more to the fact that the shadow was leaving than anything else. It was ridiculous; she _just_ returned home, and already the shadow was breathing down her neck, already Zed was coming back. She needed time to think, she needed time to forget… She needed time away from Zed.

Or so she told herself.

* * *

"Shen hasn't joined yet, then."

_No, but he means to. Akali joined first to make certain that you were there._

Zed's fingers clenched into a fist, itching for something to hit.

"How could they have known? I decided the morning Syndra left to join the League myself."

He was surprised the shadow didn't laugh, especially given his answer.

_Akali assumed the… partnership, was strong enough. She informed the elders of it, and knew once you joined the League she and Shen could join and be protected. _

Unbelievable. Zed shook his head, hoping the longer he denied the more likely it was that this problem would disappear.

"But she didn't know I would join for certain. This plan of hers was based on nothing but speculation. Weak speculation, at best."

_But she was right. _

His fingers twitched again, aching for something to destroy.

Or someone.

Akali wouldn't get away with this. He'd spent too much to get here for something as insignificant as the League to get in his way. She would not win. _Shen_ would not win.

"She has _never_ been right."

* * *

Syndra set the tea in her hands on the table in front of her, blowing the steam off the surface and trying to ignore the stares.

It wasn't working.

She'd never been in the dining hall of the order with the students before; it was much too crowded, for one thing, and easily the loudest place in the order. She was lucky there was a table set a fair distance away from the rest, reducing her discomfort by some small degree. She stared at her tea until the room stopped staring at her, eventually getting up to get food, making sure to take her time.

Because she was hiding, in a way.

The shadow had been to see her that morning, delivering a quick, succinct warning; _Expect Zed by noon. _At least, she assumed it was a warning, or the shadow probably wouldn't have told her at all. Things were not good between her and Zed, with the way she left him. She hadn't had a chance to talk to him since the fight, and there had been so much yelling… so here she was, hiding in the dining hall, hoping the crowded room would be good enough to deter another fight from happening.

Syndra pushed her food around her plate, her stomach suddenly in knots. Fighting with Zed was… terrible, to say the least. She didn't know what to say to fix what had happened; she didn't know what to say to get him to change his mind. How could he possibly still want to pursue the Kinkou after what happened? If Zed still went after Akali, the League would protect her; he was prepared to die for her life.

But she wasn't prepared to lose him.

Syndra's tea cup trembled in her hands, distorting her reflection. He was being so _irrational. _How could he possibly justify throwing his life away for this? It was selfish; he wasn't thinking about anything except being bested by Akali, and she was hard pressed to make him see reason. He couldn't do this to her now, not after everything was just going back to normal…

Syndra was too focused on not eating her food to be aware of the room suddenly going quiet, finally noticing when someone sat in the only other chair at her isolated table. She kept her eyes still carefully set on her tea, addressing her company in a low murmur.

"Where have you been?"

It had been a very, very long time since she'd demanded answers from Zed, but it had been just as long since he kept a secret from her. She waited through a heavy silence, becoming more and more impatient.

"Why are you here?"

He was quick to answer this time.

"I live here."

She was much too angry to have any patience for his sarcasm, and she tapped her fingers against the table, trying to curb her annoyance before answering.

"Now is not the time, Zed."

Her eyes were still on the table so she couldn't see his expression, but his voice was much more serious.

"We need to talk."

Syndra supposed it could be worse; they weren't fighting, at least.

"There is nothing to say."

She knew she wasn't being fair, exactly, but she wouldn't compromise on this particular issue; Zed was wrong. Killing Akali, Shen, any of the Kinkou, was wrong, and there was nothing he could say to change her mind.

"Syndra."

She finally looked up, regretting the decision. It was harder to avoid talking to him when she wasn't solely focused on her untouched food.

"Have you changed your mind?"

The corner of his mouth twitched as if he was about to answer, or lie, but again, he was silent. Syndra shook her head, and shoved away from the table.

"This is _not_ my fight."

Her voice carried over the din, much louder than she intended; the whole room was watching her this time, but with fresh anger making her lip curl, she hardly even noticed.

Her plan clearly hadn't worked.

She thought it was Zed who would end up losing his patience first, but she underestimated how quickly his ignorance would anger her. He hadn't thought about things at all; he was just going to keep trying to convince her that what he was doing was right, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

What was she supposed to do?

If he was truly set on doing this, on killing the Kinkou, could she actually let him go alone? She couldn't stay here while he went off to die, but she meant what she said. This wasn't her fight, at all. She had no place in this conflict.

But Zed was determined.

She'd been almost unconsciously walking to the apartment, only fully realizing when she pushed open the door. It probably wasn't a good idea to come here; Zed would just follow her, and there was nothing here to dissuade them from fighting. She was too tired for a repeat of what happened at the Institute, and she wanted more than anything to curl up in the dark like she always did when she was avoiding her problems.

The door opened behind her, putting an end to any plans of hiding out somewhere else; he was standing in front of the door, regardless. Syndra was still finding it difficult to look him in the eye, focusing instead on a point on the door behind him.

"This _does _concern you."

Syndra was inclined to disagree, but she waited for Zed to explain instead of interrupting him.

"She is the reason you were forced to join the League; Selvi told her about us, and she told your elders."

This was news to Syndra; she'd thought that it was her fault the elders knew about them, that something she said to Karma or Irelia had been used to condemn her, but this… it made sense, at least.

"What does it matter now? Selvi is dead, and I've already joined the League. We cannot change that."

Zed stepped a little closer, voice much louder than before.

"She will not stop. This was nothing to her, just one victory in what she hopes to be many."

It was after that explanation that Syndra realized she and Zed were looking at this problem from very different angles; he was taking it personally, as an attack from Akali that would never end. The way Syndra saw it, the Kinkou were being slaughtered. She knew Zed had his order tracking them down; that was why he was gone for that year… Akali wasn't trying to win. She was trying to _survive. _

"You're too biased to see the situation as it is. Akali isn't trying to claim victory over you, she's-"

Zed shook his head, and cut her off.

"You don't know her at all. You don't know enough about the Kinkou to defend them."

Syndra's fingers twitched in anger.

"How _could_ I know? You seem to conveniently forget that you avoid telling me as much as possible."

This was bad; neither of them could stay calm, and things were progressing to becoming worse than their last fight.

"I tell you what is necessary."

Syndra threw her hands up; the selfishness was unbelievable.

"But _you_ decide! That isn't how the truth works!"

She ran her hands through her hair, trying not to tug at it like she usually did when she was upset.

"Zed, try for once to see it as I do. This is all for _revenge._ You will die pursuing this."

Zed tilted his chin back, straightening his posture.

"I will die for what's right."

How could he be so _blind?_ His arrogance made her furious, furious enough to scream, furious enough to slap him.

So she did.

Or would have, if he didn't catch her hand, mere inches away from his cheek. She could feel the fingers around her wrist beginning to bruise the skin but said nothing, neither of them breaking eye contact. He didn't look angry at least; troubled, if anything, subtle enough that Syndra almost thought she was imagining it. Zed kept her hand there until all the anger fell from her features, and for the first time since she was a girl, Syndra felt tears sting her eyes.

"I can't let you die."

Her whisper finally elicited an expression from Zed, prompting him to release her aching wrist but pull her closer, wrapping her completely in his arms, making it easy for her to bury her blurry eyes against his chest. She would have given anything to keep him here forever; to convince him that the revenge he wanted so badly wasn't worth it. She could only thread her arms around his waist and try to appreciate that for now, they weren't fighting; for now, they were alive and safe and together.

She only wished things could stay that way.

* * *

Syndra padded lightly out to the main room of the apartment, closing the bedroom door behind her as quietly as possible. She pulled her chair up to one of the windows, sinking against the cushion and fighting back a yawn.

She hadn't been able to sleep, unlike Zed who had been out for hours, since he returned from training. She could have gone with him, she supposed, but she was still raw from their fight earlier, and wanted to have time alone to think.

Maybe too much time. She tried to think through the situation once more, considering every angle presented to her, but her opinion didn't change. Deep down, she knew this was wrong. She couldn't control Zed; she had never tried when he previously went after the Kinkou, but this time was different. They were part of the League; that meant Zed was no longer free to do whatever he wanted. He couldn't kill another champion.

So Akali and Shen were off limits.

This should matter to Zed, he should be able to see why his feud with the Kinkou was effectively over, but he couldn't. He couldn't move passed his anger, and Syndra apparently didn't matter enough to him to convince him otherwise.

She held her arm up to the window, tilting it to catch the moonlight. She traced a finger over the bruises circling her thin wrist, surprised at how far the purple was spread. She knew Zed wasn't trying to hurt her, even given the fact that she was inches away from slapping him, but they'd hardly even been fighting and this happened. What would it be like if they really got angry?

Maybe she would end up doing the Kinkou's work for them.

Syndra tucked her sore arm under the uninjured one, keeping it out of sight and out of mind.

She wouldn't let this happen.

She vowed then and there, that she would never let the League or the Kinkou divide them again. She wouldn't let Zed do this, either; Zed was _hers._

She would not let him die.


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: A little bit on the short side, but it didn't take me 9 years! Hopefully more to come soon._**

**_AYEX- Thank you! They are a rather selfish pair, don't you think?_**

**_Ulcaasi- Gotta love a good fight. I'd like to think they take turns being big babies._**

**_CorporalNoob- Aw, I'm sorry! I'm a big Zed fan myself, so don't worry. Everything (probably) will work out and he won't be so retarded._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Good to hear! Make sure to relax more, exams are no fun. Thank you :] _**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Cliffhangers are my thing though :/ Thanks! Glad you like it. I'll definitely give it a read when I get the time. Ah, poor Selvi. No longer around to cause lots and lots of trouble. _**

**_As always, enjoy and thanks for reading! (also leave a review, it's good for the soul)_**

* * *

_"Go home, Akali."_

_Akali crossed her arms over her chest, her body language making it clear she wasn't going anywhere. She didn't come all this way just to be sent home; it wouldn't say much about her convictions if she gave up that easily. _

_"You know I won't leave."_

_Zed studied her expression; chin tilted upwards, eyes begging him to challenge her. It was little more than childish arrogance._

_"Does Shen know you're here?"_

_She didn't answer, but her brows pulled into a deeper frown and one of her eyes twitched. She'd come to Zed's order on her own volition; the last thing she needed was permission from Shen. She wasn't a child. _

_Zed watched her face, every emotion clearly written there. Akali thought she was much more in control than she was; it had taken one simple question to disarm her, and Zed was almost disappointed in how easy it was to manipulate her._

_Almost. _

_He let her stand there for a moment more, letting her struggle to keep her expression straight and really considering the situation. Akali was smart, and relatively gifted. She would make a promising student, at the very least._ _She was clearly eager to prove something, and to prove it at the order. If that was what she really wanted, who was Zed to deny her?_

_One last person to consult. _

_Zed inclined his head at his shadow, who had come to stand behind Akali. He returned the nod, effectively giving his approval. Zed held his hand out to Akali, who still hadn't noticed the shadow behind her but had managed to finally get her expression under control, clasping Zed's outstretched hand with her own._

_"Welcome to the Order of Shadows."_

* * *

Zed shook his head at the map in his hands, scrutinizing the location of every mark. It didn't look right; the marks were too far and few between, so unlike what he had come to expect of the Kinkou.

"What do you think of it?"

_I think your informant is lazy. _

Zed was inclined to agree; it was too dangerous to have his usual patrols out, and his replacement was rather… unconventional. But he didn't have any other options. He rolled the map up with a sigh, handing it back to the shadow; there was nothing new to learn from it now, and Syndra would be awake soon regardless. He waved a hand at his shadow in a parting gesture, relieved that at least it could get some work done while he handled the order.

"We need more information. Find her."

_My pleasure._

* * *

Syndra rolled over, stretching a hand across the bed, her searching fingers moving through empty space. It took her a few minutes to realize that she should have encountered another person. She groaned into her pillow, reluctantly pulling back one eyelid to check the window; still dark, but lightening, not far off from dawn. Too early for Zed to be up. Too early for _her_ to be up. Normally, she would have gone right back to sleep, but with the way things have been lately… His disappearance was suspicious.

She listened carefully now, mostly awake; the bathroom was dark and silent, and there was no noise coming from the living room, either. She dragged herself out of bed, tiptoeing to the door and pulling it open very, very carefully, peering around the edge.

Empty.

There was only one torch lit in the room, set far away enough from the bedroom door as to hide its light. Syndra stepped into the doorway , and frowned at the room. The order was asleep. There was nothing that Zed needed to attend to right now; for a few hours, at least, he should be here.

So where was he?

Syndra flicked her fingers to the corners of the room, allowing her spheres to cut through the darkness in lieu of lighting more torches. She didn't know why, but for whatever reason, Zed didn't want her to know he was gone; she didn't want Zed to know she'd figured it out, so she had to be quick. Fortunately for her, the apartment wasn't very large. She walked around the room, inspecting the chairs, the tea table, the miniscule kitchen. She even checked underneath the cushions.

Nothing.

She stuck her hands on her hips, frowning at the chairs. It occurred to her a little late that what she was doing was futile; she was expecting Zed of all people to leave behind evidence. She shook her head, beginning to wave away her spheres when she heard a noise outside the apartment door.

Voices.

She couldn't make it out at first; clearly Zed, but it was too quiet for her to understand. She edged backwards, towards the bedroom, her last sphere blinking away. She was just about to close the door behind her when Zed's voice, for one moment, was loud enough to hear.

"Find her."

Syndra didn't have time to really consider what - or who- he was talking about; she shut the bedroom door, sliding into bed and doing her best to slow her breathing it make it seem like she was still fast asleep.

Find her.

No, she didn't need time to think about what he meant; Zed could only be talking about one person.

Find Akali.

* * *

Zed closed the bedroom door behind him, pausing when the slight click made Syndra shift beneath her blanket. She sighed quietly, but didn't wake up, and Zed eased on to the bed, enjoying, for the moment, the feeling of closing his eyes.

He was exhausted. He'd been up all night and the night before with his shadow, trying to sort through what little information his contact had given him. At least now, he was finished. He wouldn't have anything new to worry about for what he hoped was a decent amount of time.

He relaxed further into the pillows, gently laying an arm over Syndra's waist and breathing in the smell of roses.

It was nice not to worry.

* * *

Syndra woke up at the same time she usually did the next morning, stretching happily across the bed. She hadn't forgotten about Zed; she would find out what he was up to, but all in good time.

This was usually the time they both went to meditate, or order training, but today Syndra didn't let Zed leave; she noted the dark circles underneath his eyes, and decided to pull him back into bed and into a kiss. Finding out what Zed was sneaking around for would come later, but for now…

"Let's stay in today."

* * *

_Akali swept the feet out from underneath her opponent, holding her Kama up to his nose. She was breathing heavily, but smiling just the same; another victory._

_"I win."_

_Zed watched with the same critical eye he used when observing any of his students, noting every flaw in her posture. She was correct, marginally; she'd won the duel with this particular student, but as usual, stopped thinking beyond that. She had lowered her defenses, thinking she was done, and Zed used the opportunity to try and teach her this specific lesson once and for all. _

_He let his shadow do the honor; it stepped behind her, felling her in the same moved she had used on the student still sprawled across the floor. She gasped when she hit the ground, immediately whipping around the scowl at Zed. _

_"I don't understand. I thought I-"_

_Zed interrupted, walking over to pull her off the floor. She knew she had messed up somehow, but she just didn't know when; she thought her fight had been clean enough. _

_"Understand one thing; impatience. To win, you must always remember where you are and what is around you. You can never let your guard down."_

_Akali nodded, trying to commit the advice to memory; she would learn to be patient, and then she would never fail. _

_"I will remain focused."_


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: Soso sorry. Don't hate me :c I really am trying not to take forever, despite all evidence to the contrary._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thank you! Please do rest- I know stressing over exams and everything always got to me, and it wasn't always easy to remember to relax._**

**_TheBosnianWizard- I do agree that they would be lost without each other- they are a very one of a kind type of couple. I like Syndra's definition in Urban Dictionary :D it fits her. _**

**_Moi- Oh god. I failed you._**

**_Ulcaasi- Ninjas are very, very sneaky ;]_**

**_CorporalNoob- Deatherino? Good idea… :]_**

**_SilentWolfx- I always want your cookies! I was kidding. But you should make sure you get more sleep :S Of course I've read the comic! That was the last thing that really slapped the otp in my face. I was done for after that. SYNDRA. SHIP SYNDRA. Please don't cry!_**

**_Chickenchops- I specialize in the feelz._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Harsh! Poor Akali c:_**

**_Guest- yeah, sorry about that- it was one of my shortest chapters. Hmmm…_**

**_Guest- Trust me, writing the initiation to a lemon and actually writing it are very different, but I may someday._**

**_Alright ! Sorry for the wait, but enjoy!_**

* * *

_Zed paced in front of the gathered students, deciding what to do with them next. It was still early in the day; plenty of time for more hands on training. _

_"Sparring. Pick your opposition."_

_The students had done this many times before; it took them hardly any time to partner up, the pairs spreading around and waiting for Zed to give the go ahead._

_All except for one. _

_Akali watched the students split up around her, lip curled with her usually haughty arrogance. Zed could see it on her face; she was going to be difficult about this. He slowly approached her, trying to ignore how much the superior expression on her face annoyed him. _

_"Are you not participating?"_

_She crossed her arms, and tilted her chin at him._

_"I've sparred with everyone here, and I have never lost. This is pointless."_

_Zed's mouth twitched, the only giveaway to his impatience. He supposed he wasn't surprised that Akali was making training a problem again, but today, he wasn't in the mood to tolerate it. _

_"You think you are better than the rest of the students?"_

_At least she didn't second guess herself._

_"Yes."_

_Zed stared her down until her expression faltered, then left the space the students had made around her, moving to the side of the training ground where the weapons were stored. He took out just one blade, giving it a moment's careful inspection before affixing it to his arm._

_"Very well."_

_He fastened the last strap, testing it in one quick swipe before going back to Akali. She was all alone now; the rest of the students had separated, moving to the sides of the training ground and creating one large, open area in which Akali was the center focus. _

_"I will be your sparring partner. Retrieve your weapon."_

_This, at last, wiped the smugness from her face; she swallowed, and very nearly argued, instead moving to collect her Kamas from where she left them and joining Zed once more. They bowed to each other, custom before sparring, and then slipped into ready stances. Akali was clearly nervous; she adjusted her grip on the hilts of her Kamas several times, and the muscles in her legs twitched in anticipation. _

_The duel was over before it began. _

_Akali waited too long; she let her nerves control her actions and gave Zed the split second he needed to take control. He stepped to her, using one swift jab to disarm her, one more to her midsection to cripple her, one slice with the blade to leave her crouched on the floor, nursing a shallow incision. All of this was completed in one, fluid motion, lasting mere seconds. The training area was silent while Akali panted, and Zed pressed the tip of the blade to her neck, tilting her chin back so that she had no choice but to look at him. _

_"Never hesitate."_

_He wasn't done just yet; he leaned closer, close enough that her ragged breath brushed his face and the other students had no hope of overhearing._

_"And __**never**__ question me again."_

* * *

"This is not the way I wanted to do it, you know."

Akali _did_ know; deception really wasn't Shen's thing, but it wasn't like he had a choice.

"I thought that I would be able to reach him… before any of this. Before anyone else had to die."

Like usual, Akali didn't say anything. Shen's views of Zed had always been a little… biased, and pointing that out rarely did her any good.

"Maybe it's been too long… the shadows have corrupted him too much."

Akali thought Shen was conveniently forgetting how corrupted Zed was before he fully adopted the shadows, but again, it never really helped to point it out.

"The League will protect us, but it can't save Zed."

No. No it could not.

"And this witch. What of her?"

Personally, Akali didn't think too much of Syndra; her problems were with her own elders, not the Kinkou. And given the time, Akali was convinced they would destroy each other.

"She is nothing."

Akali could tell he disagreed, but he still wasn't thinking clearly. He would blame Zed's entire downfall on Syndra, if he could.

Shen shook his head, sighing in very poorly concealed misery. It was impossible for him to be happy when Zed was so close but so far away from the friend he knew so many years ago.

"I do not understand."

But Akali did, to an extent. Shen may never give up the tenuous hope of saving Zed, but she had; long, long ago. There was only one way to save him now. Akali tried her best to comfort him, saying the most she had in weeks about the subject.

"I learned never to question him or his motives. You would be wise to do the same."

* * *

_Bored?_

Syndra didn't want to answer, but she really w_as_ bored.

"Clearly."

She slumped further in her chair, watching her spheres slowly, lazily make their way across her field of vision. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting here, watching the rotations, but her eyes were begging to droop and she was having a hard time staying awake.

She needed something to do.

"Let's play a game."

She didn't really give the shadow time to consider the offer, just continued the sentence in almost the same breath.

"You tell me."

She lazily swept one hand between them, never bothering to move her eyes away from her spheres.

"What Zed is hiding."

The following silence was expected; the shadow's answer was not.

_A rather poor game._

Syndra was inclined to agree, but her patience was wearing thin. Zed was naturally good at covering his tracks, and after weeks of nothing new to go on, she was growing frustrated. She really thought she would have figured it out by now.

"But you do know."

He shadow laughed, laced heavily with derision.

_Of course._

The response made her fingers twitch, and if she wasn't so tired, she might have tried to break something. She didn't really expect the shadow to tell her anything, but she underestimated how badly it would frustrate her when it didn't give her what she wanted.

_How it must burn._

Syndra scowled, sending a sphere through the shadow's wispy form with the slightest flick of her wrist. The corners of her lips pulled down even more after the murkiness reconvened, and the sick laughter was louder than ever.

"You're useless."

_Am I?_

Syndra nodded immediately, but the shadow wasn't done speaking.

_You overestimate your own worth._

Syndra shrugged. Unusually insulting, coming from the shadow, but she would manage.

If only she could manage to find out what Zed was doing.

* * *

_Akali lifted her arm, blocking her opponents hand with her wrist the moment before it would have connected. She followed the movement with an offensive strike of her own, disabling her partner and finally winning the duel. She considered gloating, for a moment; this was the fastest she'd beaten this particular student before, and he was rather well known, but she could practically feel Zed's stare, carefully cataloguing every one of her actions._

_She lowered a hand, clasping it with her fallen partner's and lifting him off the ground, bowing at the same time he did. _

_"Well fought."_

_A few weeks ago, she might have bragged. A few weeks ago, she would have embarrassed herself in front of Zed for no reason other than shallow pride. _

_But she was different. _

_She glanced over her shoulder, meeting Zed's gaze for the smallest of moments, and in that moment, received something she'd been working weeks to earn._

_A nod of approval._

* * *

"You are late."

The woman Zed addressed took the seat across from him, leaning over the table, her next words practically a purr.

"Indulge me."

With Ahri, that's all Zed ever really did; indulge her whims for information halfheartedly recovered, that was hardly ever useful. It was exhausting.

"Anything new?"

Ahri tapped her lip, humming to herself as if she really had to think about the answer.

"That man you had me follow."

She unrolled the map on the table, running a fingernail over the top corner.

"He left this camp. He has not returned to Ionia."

Even though Zed's stomach twisted, he wasn't surprised. He had expected Shen to join the League, and soon. But with Shen out of Ionia, he no longer had a use for Ahri's services.

"Is that all?"

She grinned, and the tips of one of her tails flicked in a motion Zed usually associated with her being upset.

" I suppose I'll be leaving now."

Zed didn't say anything, just let her collect herself and followed her out of the room. Even though Ahri hadn't brought him good news, it was almost a relief to hear it; at least he knew where Shen was.

At least he wouldn't have to deal with Ahri anymore.

She was pleasant enough, but Zed didn't like working with people outside of the order, and Ahri had a certain… aura, almost. She couldn't be trusted, not fully, and that made Zed nervous about recruiting her at all.

She turned a few paces out of the doorway, tails fanning behind her.

"It was a pleasure working with you."

Zed wasn't sure if she was trying to simper of if that was normally the way she said goodbye, but he declined to answer either way, opting instead to make sure she really left. As the last of her tails disappeared around the edge of the temple, it occurred to Zed once more how much of a relief it was that for the time being, he didn't have to worry about Shen. Even if he couldn't pursue him now, he knew where he was. Shen was trapped; it was only a matter of time before Zed found the perfect opportunity to strike. But for now…

It would be nice to see Syndra.

* * *

_You win the game._

Syndra rubbed her eyes, the quiet voice just hardly rousing her from sleep. She leaned forward in her chair, groaning at the ache the terrible position had left in her lower back.

"What?"

_I surrender._

At this, Syndra perked up; surrender? Since when did the shadow ever let anyone else win?

"Excuse me?"

It didn't even laugh, just hovered by the door and waited for her to move. Syndra didn't like this; there was definitely something the shadow was getting out of the situation, but if she really found out what Zed had been doing…

It was worth it.

She shrugged, ignoring her sore limbs and hauling herself out of the chair, letting herself out of the room and allowing the shadow to lead. It took her far away from the apartment, almost on the complete opposite side of the order, to a small temple very dimly lit from the inside. She didn't recognize the room; she'd never been to this particular temple before, and she'd never had a reason to come this far away from the main part of the order.

So why had the shadow brought her here?

The shadow stopped at the corner of one outer wall, waving a hand towards the other side. She followed the motion, carefully peering around the edge, ignoring the part of her brain that screamed how ridiculous it was that she was sneaking around the order, trying to spy on Zed.

It was a good thing she was ignoring it.

Zed was following a woman out of the temple, awfully close to several tails and long, dark hair. Even though she sauntered away almost immediately, Syndra's mouth screwed up, her stomach suddenly feeling painfully empty. Of all the things she'd assumed Zed was up to, this was definitely not one of them. Whoever the woman was, whatever she was… _doing_, with Zed, was far from expected.

She stepped around the corner, no longer making an effort to hide; if Zed was really paying attention he would have known she was there, but he was currently too busy watching whoever that woman was walking away to notice anything else.

This certainly didn't feel like winning.

Syndra stood there until he turned around, wishing very badly at that moment that she had a mask like he did; it was easy for him to hide whatever it was that he felt right now, but Syndra's turmoil was written clearly across her face, her features twisting uncomfortably.

"Syndra, ple-"

She shook her head, and for a second, neither of them moved.

"No, not this time."

What had been anguish before was anger now, and Syndra was surprised she could stop herself from yelling.

"Don't ask me to understand your motives and forgive your actions. I've tried, Zed, but it never ends with you."

No, she couldn't see Zed's expression, but she hoped whatever was on her face was enough for them both.

"I will never understand."

* * *

_Akali walked briskly to the smaller of the meeting halls, glancing over the paper in her hands one last time. It was a new training schedule, an idea she'd had for a couple of weeks that she had finally gotten around to refining. She wanted to find Zed before training started, the only free time either of them really had, and if she wanted to have a chance to explain her idea she would have to move faster._

_Here it was. _

_The temple door was shut, masking almost every quiet voice coming from inside. Akali hesitated outside of the door, suddenly second guessing herself. Should she interrupt? She wasn't aware of a meeting today, but then again, she wasn't partial to all of what happened at the order. She would have turned around, if not for one word being unmarred by the door._

_"…. Kinkou…"_

_Akali pressed further against the door, making every effort to stay completely silent. _

_"They remain a problem as long as Shen and his father reign over them."_

_Zed's voice. The response from whoever else was in the room was much too quiet for her to hear, but she didn't need to hear more than that. She thought things might be different, that Zed had left the Kinkou for good…_

_Akali gasped when the door against her cheek was yanked back, quickly straightening up and away from whom was now standing in its place. Zed's face was pulled into a frown, and Akali was surprised at how far from furious the expression was- not quite the reaction she had expected from ease dropping. _

_"Akali, let me-"_

_She stepped away, shaking her head with every step._

_"Explain? No."_

_Whatever he wanted with the Kinkou, whatever he was planning, Akali would not be a part of it. She would __**never**__ be a part of anything Zed did again. _

_"Because I will never understand."_


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Hello friends! A bit of a longer chapter, and I feel like I didn't overkill the lateness this time (hopefully)._**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Ah yes- My plan._**

**_The Greek Geek3010- You like?_**

**_CorporalNoob- Shout out to Vlad for having the worst in game voice of every champ- I refuse to play him without using Blood Lord._**

**_Ulcaasi- If it's painful, it's happening._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Yeah I think it was a little all over the place, because I was kind of trying to get a lot of things to happen all in one chapter. Not my best idea. You poor, poor soul. My heart goes out to you._**

**_Chickenchops- I know, right? :[_**

**_LEJesusPesus- More for you! Please don't die._**

**_xSilentWolf- IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER TO WRITE FLUFF IF I HAD COOKIES._**

**_Interesteddude- I'm with you- I usually root for people to get their revenge (and I'm not a huge Shen fan myself). Criticism is fine! I agree with the flashbacks being too frequent. I think I just got excited to write it, and didn't space it out correctly. Zed didn't kill Akali because she was his favorite student and even though she left, he didn't hate her, he only hated her when he found out she had rejoined the Kinkou. Aww not fair! I had several plans for Selvi, and not all of them ended up with him being dead; I just liked that one the most. That was my favorite scene to write between Selvi and Zed- I am a terrible person. Fast update for you, hopefully!_**

**_Alright! Thanks for reading, review if you love me lots, and enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra didn't expect to be back here so soon.

She had to admit though; the Institute was growing on her. Maybe less the Institute and more the library, but regardless, she didn't dread the voyage as much as she had the first time, and without the two murderously angry ninjas, Syndra had a considerable amount of quiet time to herself.

The library never even closed.

With the single stipulation of not being able to eat or drink inside of it, she could stay there as long as she wished, and she'd quickly become accustomed to collecting several books and then falling asleep sometime later in one of the oversized armchairs.

It was amazing how easy it was for her to pretend to forget everything else.

For Syndra, things hadn't been this peaceful since… Since she met Zed, if she was being honest. But what had she really expected? Did she think she could involve herself with someone like that and somehow avoid the trouble he dragged himself into? Or did she really think she would be able to remain distant enough that she could leave whenever she chose?

Clearly, neither thought process applied now.

Syndra stared at the book in her lap, trying to reread the last paragraph for what felt like the hundredth time; so much for concentrating on other things. It had been easy enough to leave Ionia when Zed was right in front of her, trying to explain away some lie or another, but now that she was here…

Maybe she should have let him explain.

Because if it was her- if she had done something behind Zed's back that would have looked terrible to anyone else, she would want the chance to explain herself. Who else in the world would understand better than Zed? But on the other hand… How many times could she let him do this? She couldn't condone lying, and that's what he was doing - over and over. It was hard to convince herself that he deserved a chance when all he had done was prove that he didn't.

"Excuse me."

Syndra jerked in surprise, closing the book in her lap and glancing upwards. It was the blonde who ran the front desk; she had a stack of books in the crook of her arm, and she was pointing at the pile that Syndra still had at her feet.

"Are you finished?"

Syndra stared at her, forgetting for a moment that an answer was expected. The girl frowned awkwardly, beginning to back away.

"Or not… Sorry to interrupt."

Syndra shook her head, finally concentrating enough to answer.

"I am finished, my apologies."

She looked back down her at her book, thumbing through the pages in search of where she left off, trying to ignore the fact that even though the girl had added her books to the stack in her arms, she hadn't left.

"Are you alright?"

Her voice wasn't as timid as Syndra would have expected, so it was harder for her to tell the girl to go away.

"I am quite fine."

Syndra expected her to leave then, so she was surprised when she put all of her books back on the floor and settled into the armchair next to her.

"Relationship problems?"

Syndra frowned, once again snapping the book in her lap shut.

"Excuse me?"

The girl was smiling despite the venom in Syndra's tone, and even though she had no interest in continuing the conversation, there was something in the girl's expression that made Syndra feel a little less miserable than she was before.

"It's all over your face. What did he do?"

Her assumption made Syndra feel the need to defend herself, and Zed, however ridiculous that was.

"He did not _do_ anything."

And even though Syndra shot her down, the girl's grin only got wider.

"So there _is_ a he."

Syndra rolled her eyes; not the brightest of deductions, but annoying nonetheless.

"Enough…"

She waved her hand at the blonde in lieu of her name, hoping that would be enough for the hint to sink in.

"Lux."

Great.

"Lux, then. We are finished talking."

She still hadn't moved, and by now, her persistence was outlasting Syndra's annoyance.

"It might help to talk, you know. It's easier with strangers."

Syndra stared at the unwavering smile, finding nowhere in Lux's expression that she had any intention of leaving.

Fine.

"Alright then."

Where should she start? There was certainly no shortage in subjects to bring up, and Lux showed no signs of having somewhere else to be. Maybe she should only stick to what had happened recently; Lux may not have to leave, but Syndra certainly didn't want to stay here talking to her forever.

"He lied."

It wasn't a very good way to start the conversation, but Syndra was still very uncomfortable.

"Lied about what?"

She wasn't about to explain the whole "Zed wants to mercilessly murder the Kinkou" situation to a stranger, so she opted to remain as vague as possible.

"Something of great importance. It is not the first time, either."

Lux tapped her lip, thinking her response through carefully.

"You don't seem like the type to tolerate dishonesty."

Syndra didn't really think she was either, but maybe she wasn't explaining it right.

"Maybe not so much dishonesty as… evasion."

Lux frowned.

"Evasion from what?"

That's the question that Syndra had been asking herself since she left; what exactly was he trying to keep from her? All she had to go on was the fact that for weeks, he had been secretly meeting with whoever that woman was to talk about… what, she didn't know.

"I do not know."

Syndra shook her head, mentally kicking herself for running away before she had gotten any answers at all.

"He tried to explain, but I was so angry. I did not think he deserved the chance."

Lux looked like she mostly understood, despite how little Syndra was really telling her.

"It seems like, to me, you're mad only because this looks like something he's done before. And maybe he doesn't deserve a chance to explain, maybe this is like the other times, but again… it may not be. It's up to you to decide whether or not you think it is."

Syndra was frustrated with the answer; it wasn't anything she hadn't thought of herself.

"But how do I decide that? It would be poor form of me to allow it if this really was the same situation as before."

Because how many times would Syndra have to find out he was not giving up on the Kinkou for it to finally be enough? She had made up her mind; if he didn't stop, if he wanted to die for this, then she would have no part in it.

"You miss him. You're unhappy right now. I think maybe it would benefit you most if you stopped running and gave him a chance."

Maybe… but there was one thing Syndra was forgetting.

"There was a woman…"

Lux nodded almost knowingly, but smiled just the same.

"Well, no worries there. You're a fox."

Syndra rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the unintended irony in Lux's compliment and focus instead on her advice. Maybe she didn't have to worry about the mystery woman- and maybe she really should go back to see Zed. At least then, she would know for sure what was going on, instead of making up different scenarios in her head.

But this would be the last time.

She couldn't keep letting Zed do what he wanted, to lie whenever he wanted. She had always been truthful to him, and if he couldn't return the favor, then he didn't deserve any more chances.

"I do miss him."

Lux beamed, leaving her chair and picking her pile of books off the floor.

"Well there! Hopefully that helped. Best of luck!"

She disappeared into the forest of book shelves, and Syndra made sure she could no longer hear her footsteps to smile to herself.

It would be nice to go back home.

* * *

_What did you expect?_

Zed wanted to say he expected the shadow not to tell Syndra anything , but admitting he placed any trust in it at all would be a mistake.

"I expect you to disappear."

_Perhaps a little less deceit._

He would never say that the shadow had a point… but it wasn't wrong. He shouldn't have lied to Syndra; he didn't want to, but having to tell her everything he was doing, having to explain himself when she thought he was wrong…

It was new.

Zed was a leader, and owing explanations to someone else was something he'd last experienced when he was part of the Kinkou, a part of his life he was not eager to relive. He didn't think he should feel obligated to anyone, but if he really considered, Syndra was the only person he would ever deem as someone who deserved it.

If he didn't want to lose Syndra, he would have to change. Period. He had changed so much already since meeting her, and if this was the last thing he had to do…

He would do it.

"Where is she?"

_She will be in Bilgewater tomorrow._

Zed's mouth twisted; Bilgewater was his least favorite part of the journey to the Institute, but he didn't want to wait any longer, and if he left tonight, he might make it there when she did.

Hopefully.

"To Bilgewater, then."

* * *

Syndra hated it here.

The entire city felt… smothering, which Syndra mostly attributed to the few, narrow streets and unreal multitude of people who never seemed to have anything to do but flock to all of the side markets, smoking and drinking and endlessly talking. It was nothing like the quiet, clean grace of Ionia, and Syndra never missed home more than when she was forced to stay in this city.

And forced she was; Syndra was still grumbling over the fact that not a single ship was leaving the harbor until morning, no matter who she asked or how much she offered.

At least she arrived to Bilgewater somewhat later than she expected; already night was falling over the city, which seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the noise level. She searched out the inn she and Karma had stayed at when they first left for the Institute, renting a room as quickly as she could and nervously tugging the hood of her shawl over her eyes the entire time, shrewdly eyeing the few inhabitants of the small lobby. No one seemed interested enough to bother her, and it was easy to slip away from the lobby and up to her room without having any unwanted interactions.

Syndra closed the door behind her, allowing the hood to fall and trying to ignore how the humid air was making her skin feel. She fell onto her mattress, grateful that she was tired from a long day's travel, and that she could sleep away the brief remainder of her time here instead of having to find something else to do.

What she would have given to be at the order right now.

It would only be until tomorrow; surely she could survive until then. She closed her eyes, pulling the thin blanket over herself and doing her best to think of how it was going to feel tomorrow night, when she could curl up onto a proper bed, away from all the noise and activity of a big city.

It seemed only natural that there was a knock at the door, breaking what little hold sleep had on her. Syndra kicked away her blanket, tugging the hood of the shawl that she was still shrouded in over her hair, and very reluctantly opening the door.

She recoiled almost immediately, midway through raising a hand curled around a sphere before fingers caught her wrist, giving her time to recognize the dark shape standing in her doorway. She let out a shaky breath, pulling her hand back to her side and letting Zed past her and into the room, quietly closing the door. She stood there for a moment, staring at her hand on the door, unwilling to turn around just yet.

She wasn't entirely surprised.

Zed seemed to always find her when she needed him to, and she _did_ need to talk to him, but she just hadn't thought of what she was going to say yet; she had planned on having the entire journey to Ionia to think about it, and having Zed find her in Bilgewater was clearly not in her arrangement. She was nervous, the fingers still clutching the doorknob just barely kept from shaking.

Syndra pulled her hand away from the door, folding her arms across her chest and refusing to move any farther into the small room; she and Zed stood across from each other, their stances mirrored, nearly identical hoods still pulled over their faces, both equally silent. Syndra wasn't sure what to say; asking why he was here might be a good start, but Zed moved before she could, pulling the coat away from his shoulders and tossing it onto the bed. He shifted uncomfortably, pulling his arms a little tighter against his chest and staring at the floor.

"I came to apologize."

He lifted his eyes to Syndra's before he finished speaking, giving Syndra the chance to make sure what he said was sincere before answering. She appreciated the apology, but before accepting, there was more she needed to know.

"You have a few things to explain."

Zed ran a hand over the back of his neck, sighing quietly and reminding himself that this was the reason he was here; he knew he had to explain himself, and all he had to do was get it over with.

"I have patrols that monitor the Kinkou camps throughout Ionia; since Akali and Shen joined the League, it was risky for my patrols to remain deployed. I sought out Ahri so that I would still have something in the place of my patrols, only a little more… inconspicuous."

It was… not really what Syndra had wanted to hear, but significantly better than any worst case scenario she had come up with.

"And Ahri is…"

At the mention of her name, Zed's posture became even more uncomfortable, and it was a moment before he answered her.

"The woman you saw. Skilled at being able to traverse Ionia without being detected, and very familiar with the land."

What Syndra really wanted was to ask more questions about why exactly Zed picked Ahri over everyone else in Ionia, but jealousy aside, she had bigger concerns.

"You are still bothering with the Kinkou."

It was a disappointed whisper, met with a frown from Zed.

"Shen and Akali can hide, but the rest of the Kinkou cannot."

That was different from what he'd said the last time they were at the Institute. He had sworn to be the end of Akali, whether or not the Institute was in his way, but if he stopped pursuing Akali, if he stopped obsessing over Shen, the rest of the Kinkou would lose his interest. He wouldn't have to kill himself trying to exact revenge.

It was better than Syndra could have hoped for.

"Is that all?"

Zed looked confused, for a moment, worried that there was something more she expected; he was sure he'd gone over everything.

"Yes."

And there was the relief, loosening the knots in Syndra's muscles and letting her finally, _finally_ feel like everything, for now, was alright.

But she had to make sure.

"No more Akali?"

Zed's frown deepened, but for now, he had to agree; as long as Akali was sheltered by the League, she was a dangerous target, too dangerous to currently consider.

All in time.

"No more Akali."

Syndra hated fighting with Zed more than anything, and if what he was saying was true, if he really meant the apology, then they wouldn't have to anymore; already the minor distance between them was too much, and if accepting the apology would erase it, then it was all too easy to say the words.

"Then I accept."

Zed took a step into the room, grabbing one arm Syndra still had pulled tight across her chest and pulling her into his arms.

"I've missed you."

Syndra laid her cheek against Zed's chest, feeling the rumble of the words against her skin. Even though she was stuck in Bilgewater, cringing at the noise still emanating from the streets and the ache in her muscles that seemed to only increase the longer she stayed in the city, she had everything here in this tiny room that she could possibly want.

"And I, you."

She could have stayed there forever, listening to Zed's breathing and relaxing more and more into the embrace, but she really w_as_ tired.

"Will the order miss you badly?"

She wasn't especially worried about his answer; already he was pulling her to the bed, allowing her to curl comfortably against him before once again securing her in his arms.

"They won't tonight."

* * *

Syndra readjusted her position on Zed's shoulder, turning her head so that the thin slivers of moonlight filtering through the small window caught the angles of his face. It highlighted every raised edge of every scar, the angle of his nose, the curve of his lips; Syndra slowly freed one arm, raising a hand to Zed's face and slowly tracing his features with her fingertips. She wasn't being especially careful; even though her touch was light, she could still feel the frequency of his breaths increase, even though he kept his eyes closed and allowed Syndra to continue.

She laid her hand flat against his cheek when she was finished, trying to memorize exactly the way she felt at that moment before either of them moved; tired, but hardly able to keep the smile off her face, the tips of her fingers warm and itching to explore further. To Syndra, it was nothing less than perfect, and no matter what happened the next morning, or week, or whenever, she would never forget that brief moment in the Bilgewater inn when everything in Syndra's world seemed right.

"I love you."

The quietest of whispers, but Zed smiled, closing the meager distance between them and kissing her with an intensity that perfectly befit the moment.

"And I, you."


	13. Chapter 13

**_A/N: Okay- long update, I know, but I've been in such a slump lately and really unmotivated to do anything creative, especially writing. I'm sorry the chapter is short and that I took forever, but I hope you enjoy the ~citrus-y fluff while I work through this writers block and figure out what my problem is._**

**_Again, very sorry :c Pls forgive._**

**_CorporalNoob- No one help! Let the cuteness devour you._**

**_Bloody Grimoire- I think it's a little tough for Syndra to get jealous- she's a very confident person :] Ohh I wasn't unintentionally repeating myself; every time they say "I love you." Or "I miss you." I phrase it the same way. I was kind of trying to make it their thing, but if the repetition bothers you or anyone else, I can definitely write it differently :]_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Lux fit though :S_**

**_Ulcaasi-Skepticism is good- now you'll never actually know if it's too good to be true or if they really will live happily ever after._**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Thanks! And anytime. Jesus…. My heart definitely goes out to you. They would do that to us at my old school too- wait to give us like 3 exams in one day right after a break. I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully it's not too miserable._**

**_xSilentWolf- Ugh god, I wish I did too. Good thing you gave me cookie… ;]_**

**_Chickenchops- They are very dysfunctional c: (Also I can't make up my mind-better switch between pissed and loving each other as much as I can.)_**

**_The Greek Geek3010- Oh man, I wish. There would be no writers block if that was the case._**

**_Randomperson- Here it is!_**

**_Lyraa- I'm sorry! Thank you very, very much though- it was really hard to convince myself to write when I was having such a hard time, and I really appreciate you leaving the reviews to remind me. I check my reviews daily, and honestly I really appreciate you leaving more than one. It definitely helped motivate me through this crappy writers block, so thank you again :]_**

**_Alright guys- sorry again, but this is really the worst I've had writers block before and ugh. Just been not so fun. Sorry for the delay and the short chapter, but hopefully you still enjoy! As always, thank you for reading and reviews are most definitely appreciated :]_**

* * *

Syndra couldn't think.

She knew she had something to say; it had been in her mind, on the tip of her tongue hardly seconds ago, but every previous thought running through her head suddenly disappeared.

"Zed."

Syndra's whisper fell on deaf ears; Zed didn't acknowledge that she'd spoken, didn't stop the steady motion of his hips moving against hers. Syndra was sure that what she had wanted to say was important, but every movement brought Zed's face nearer to hers, closer and closer until her lips brushed his and the ragged breath slipping between her teeth mixed with his. Her hands slid around his waist, travelling up his back and stopping in their customary spot at his shoulders, her hands contracting with every new wave of ecstasy that washed through her, her fingers carving familiar lines into his skin. One low, quiet moan was all he gave in way of a response, and he finally connected their lips, pressing his mouth against hers with a pressure that in any other situation would be nothing less than painful.

Presently, Syndra couldn't think of anything else but the ever increasing sensitivity throughout her body, the feeling that every inch of her skin was alive and on fire. The bruised lips, the hand Zed had moving from her ribs to her breast, every sound that indicated they were both being pushed to the edge added to the intensity of the moment, and as much as Syndra tried to cling to the feeling, neither of them could delay for long.

They echoed one last movement together, Syndra clutching his shoulders as if to permanently tether her to him, Zed freeing one hand to knot into her hair, desperately trying to pull her closer as they rode out wave after wave of pleasure. Syndra had absolutely no idea how long the euphoria lasted; all she knew was that everything was trembling and shivering in the most pleasant of ways, that she could vividly feel every spot her skin touched Zed's and that she never wanted to move.

But as much as she willed it to, the feeling wouldn't last forever.

Slowly, the quivering in her limbs ebbed and they parted, both similarly gasping to recover. Syndra released her grip on Zed's shoulders, letting her arms fall to the tangle of sheets around them before lifting a hand to her hair, closing her eyes as she savored the last vestiges of bliss. She tried to even out her breathing, tried to still her pounding heart. She opened her eyes only when Zed moved, disturbing their careful arrangement. He trailed his mouth from her collar bone and up her neck, teeth lightly grazing her skin, ending the slow movement at the corner of her mouth. They both paused, just for a moment; Syndra couldn't see his expression, but she could tell from the kiss that followed shortly after that Zed was every bit as affected as she was, every bit as entranced with her as she was with him.

Syndra certainly didn't want to move, but the night had just barely begun; she had plans with Zed, and with the fine sheen of sweat she was currently covered in, a much needed shower was in order. She gently pushed him away, carefully disentangling herself and rolling off the bed, shaking her hair out behind her and padding off to the bathroom.

"Syndra."

She paused outside of the bathroom door, glancing over her shoulder; Zed was reclining against the pillows on the bed, sheets still tangled around his waist. His posture couldn't be more relaxed, but the look in his eyes was depth and severity, the intensity setting her limbs to trembling once more. Zed's need eventually won out and he removed the blankets, erasing the distance between them faster than Syndra could follow. He cupped her face in his hands, whispered his next words against her lips.

"You are…"

There was no word that could describe the way Syndra looked then, or the way she made him feel, or the perfection of the situation. Nothing he would say then could ever adeptly express what he felt, but it didn't stop him from trying.

"Magnificent."

* * *

Bilgewater was beautiful at night.

The city was open to the sea, every street eventually ending by the bayside. It was even quiet by the water; it was as if Bilgewater's residents loved to watch the moon's light play over the sea as much as she did. She and Zed had quickly found a new favorite activity since deciding to extend their stay in Bilgewater; they would find a spot on the seemingly never ending pier every night and spend the evening dangling their legs over the inky depths, transfixed by the beauty that was so different from the elegance of the country they were used to. In Ionia it was all dark, swaying forests, silent nights and thunderstorms. Bilgewater was a little less refined, perhaps, but made up for it all with the soothing sea and unrivaled view of sunsets. Different, for sure, but Syndra was in love with it all the same.

Currently, she was curled against Zed, inching more beneath his arm when the wind swept the chill of the ocean over her. They were usually content to just sit there, appreciating the view, but tonight felt different to Syndra; she felt as if their time in Bilgewater was coming to a close, despite neither of them having discussed it, and she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it yet. She certainly missed Ionia; Bilgewater was much too busy for her, but the city was still beautiful and interesting, and here she was treated so differently than in Ionia. The busy citizens had never heard of the Dark Sovereign or her violent past, and Syndra was free to go and do what she pleased without the fear of someone recognizing her.

It was unbelievable, in a way, but as much as she enjoyed it, even Syndra had to admit it didn't feel right. Neither of them belonged here, and the longer they stayed the more she felt the need to go.

"Do you miss Ionia?"

Syndra's whisper was especially low, but on the empty pier, it still rang out. Zed shrugged only slightly, his expression unchanged.

"I do not know if miss is the right word, exactly… but I would like to get back to the order."

It was the answer Syndra expected; besides the order, Zed didn't have much in Ionia, and now that she thought about it, neither did she.

"I don't miss it as much as I used to."

Zed surreptitiously glanced down at her, but her gaze was firmly focused on the sea. She tried to explain, not convinced she was conveying her thoughts correctly.

"I do not have the fortress anymore, since…"

She waved a hand, letting the sentence trail off. Ever since Selvi died, ever since she left that hospital, her life had been very, very different. Things weren't as simple as they had been when she first met Zed. It wasn't a complaint, entirely; the relationship she forged with Zed was worth every hardship and every obstacle, but the day she lifted the fortress into the sky was the day she had convinced herself that from then on, life would hers to control, and it wasn't easy for her to accept that she had been terribly mistaken.

Zed frowned at the mention of Selvi. He'd been present in their relationship so early, when Zed was singularly occupied with getting his hands on Shen and not nearly as serious about Syndra as he was now. He had left Syndra; he'd done it with hardly a second thought, the fear of her enigmatic power still fresh in his mind. It was a small comfort to realize that if he was ever faced with a similar situation, the decision would be easy; he would never leave Syndra. Not again.

"The fortress is yours, rightfully. Nothing will keep you from it."

Zed was right; who was Selvi, to take what was hers? It was weak of her to allow his memory to keep her away for so long. It was weak to avoid the problem.

She was tired of hiding.

This was why she felt the need to leave Bilgewater; it was easy to hide here, across the sea, away from anything that had ever or would ever trouble her, but that wasn't the kind of person she was. She would return to Ionia and take back what was hers, and this would be the last she would mention of Selvi. Syndra would beat this.

She always did.

Syndra got to her feet, holding a hand down to Zed and pulling him up, tilting her head back once he stood over her. She was suddenly energetic, eager to get back to Ionia, eager to be back at the order. She smiled at Zed, the moonlight highlighting the excitement on her face.

"Let's go home."


	14. Chapter 14

**_A/n: As always, I apologize for the lateness, but at least this chapter is a teensy bit on the longer side (for me.)_**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Mmmm we already had Selvi, and look how great that turned out_**

**_CorporalNoob- Shoot, you're right. :/_**

**_Seth Darkcloud- Anytime! Ehh I'm sure I'll get over it- everyone does eventually. Thanks!_**

**_Ulcaasi- *heart*_**

**_The Greek Geek 3012- :3 yes, please!_**

**_ChickenChops- Something bad aaaaaalways happens. It's their thing._**

**_SuchGoodFLuff- the fluff…. Was it good?!_**

**_ChloeMorrison- Oh, wow :o thank you for reading it all, and welcome to the OTP! Thank you very much c: Your compliments mean a lot!_**

**_Lyraa- I think we all deserved some good old fluff. C: Yup, I'm on NA! aw c: Also- I appreciate the reminders. It gets my butt into gear when I'm being lazy about finishing a chapter._**

**_REDFATE- Actually I think I'm going to write one when I'm done with the fic, so that you guys have something else to read when I'm finished. I was always going to upload it separately (if I did one) and that seems like a good time to do it. _**

**_PoisonRed- I actually love long reviews, so I appreciate it!_**

**_I have always wondered where the term "lemons" even came from- it seems so weird to me. Thank you c: hopefully when I write one, it comes out okay. I agree with you totally, and what I'm about to say is going to sound like an excuse, but- I am reaaally new at writing stories at length, and I feel like people tend to judge the romantic moments a lot more than other parts of the story, so when I was writing Balancing Shadows I was incredibly vague when it came to that stuff, which I know really took away from the story, but I was pretty hesitant and scared I would completely write the scene wrong and someone would hate it and all that. I'm actually thinking about rewriting Balancing Shadows when I finish the fic completely (whenever that is) and those are the parts I was focusing on the most._**

**_Ahh I just fangirled super hard. Thank you so much! Your compliments really mean a lot, and I take them to heart more than you'd think. I'm right with you- I'm always looking for an opportunity to have one of them really get into using their power, but so far, not so much luck. It's something I'm always thinking about though, so there's hope!_**

**_Not boring in the slightest! Again, I really do like the longer reviews, and I appreciate everything you've said. Thank you very much ^-^_**

**_Alright guys! Review if you'd like, but please enjoy and thank you for reading!_**

* * *

This wasn't easy.

No one had been in the fortress for months; it was silent and dark, empty of anything that could possibly make Syndra feel such trepidation, yet here she was. She hadn't moved since arriving, rooted at the precipice of the fortress, watching the sun slowly crawl away from the buildings. It was very windy where she was standing, and it might have been cold, but Syndra was very, uncharacteristically intoxicated, and the breeze blowing over her skin was entirely combated by the warmth blossoming beneath her skin.

It was a terrible idea.

She couldn't think straight, she couldn't stand straight, and already she was feeling too sick to want to continue the trip. She cursed her stupidity not for the first time, forcing her unsteady legs to carry her forward regardless of whether or not it was a good idea. Coming here was supposed to be cathartic; how was she going to overcome anything if she couldn't even walk in a straight line? She couldn't really leave after hardly being there at all; explaining to Zed why exactly she had nearly drank herself senseless wasn't something that she was particularly excited about, and besides- she really _did_ have to do this eventually. She couldn't keep letting ghosts drive her away from her home.

So she walked on.

She stumbled through the courtyard, ignoring the temples to the sides and heading straight to her room. She made one small detour, stepping to the doorway of her gardens and slowly moving inside. It was darker in the garden than in the courtyard, so it was harder for Syndra to see the flat, long-dead plants around her. The few, brittle leaves that clung to the skinny branches of her favorite tree rattled in the wind, and suddenly the breeze ghosting over her skin made her shiver, leaving a line of goose bumps along her arms. She backed out quickly, sparing the garden no last glance before walking around the corner to her room, where once again she hesitated at the doorway. As appealing as staying outside all night until Zed showed up was starting to feel, she was having a hard time maintaining her upright position, and the longer she stood still the more the wind stole away her warmth. She twisted the doorknob and pushed open the door in one quick motion before she could let fear stall her any longer, practically falling through the doorway and yanking it shut behind her. It smelled different; not like flowers, as it always had, but something flat and cold and unwelcome. She waved several spheres around the room, allowing them to cut through the darkness instead of taking on the ordeal of lighting a torch.

Nothing was different.

Not a single thing was moved; the table, the pillows, her kitchen… everything was intact, although lightly covered in dust and sadly in need of a friendly touch. Syndra closed her eyes, taking a small breath before pushing away from the door, ignoring the room and heading for the stairs. It was only on the second step or so before she realized that in her current state, stumbling up the stairs in the dark would most likely not end well, and she turned away, resigning herself to spend the rest of her stay in the tea room.

Well now that she was confined downstairs, she no longer had a reason not to drown away her anxiety even more.

She headed for the miniscule kitchen, rooting around in the cabinet beneath the basin, smiling shallowly when her fingers brushed the neck of a glass bottle. She clutched the bottle to her chest, then pulled a tea pillow away from the table and dragged it to a corner of the room, slumping against the wall and slowly slinking to the floor. She pulled the bottle closer to her face, struggling to see it in the dim lighting. There was a ribbon knotted around the top; a birthday present from Karma a few years ago and probably well past its prime, but Syndra wasn't quite in the mood to care. Her fingers fumbled around the knot for a good minute before she resorted to using her teeth, pulling the string away in one yank and twisting off the cap. It still smelled fine; light, flowery almost, with a hint of whatever fruit Karma had incorporated when she made it. She wasted no time in tipping the bottle to her lips, taking a small, cautionary taste at first. Dry, but subtly flavored to perfection, and she welcomed the burn of the unfamiliar liquid. Syndra took a longer pull before setting the bottle on the floor, tapping her fingers slowly against the glass.

"I never even knew how old you were."

She wasn't immediately aware that she had voiced the thought; the rough sound echoed quietly through the room, not quite able to puncture the heavy silence. It had never occurred to Syndra before- was Selvi closer to her age, or Zed's? He never mentioned a birthday the year Zed was gone, and she had never thought to ask.

"I hardly thought at all, when it came to you."

She didn't think about how her actions might be perceived to him, she never thought to mention that there was no one else for her but Zed, she never thought to interfere when Selvi was sent again and again to spy on the Kinkou. Syndra twisted her mouth, dragging the bottle to her lips and taking a small sip, swirling the liquid around her mouth before setting it back down.

"I should hate you."

He tried to _kill_ her. Would have succeeded, if Zed hadn't been there. If it were anyone else, Syndra would have been furious, enough so that Selvi never would have gotten as close to ending her life as he had; she would have killed him the moment she had sensed something off that night with no hesitation, no second thoughts, no regrets.

But his death, his downfall… how could she blame that on anyone but herself?

"Well, maybe Akali more so than I."

Whatever Akali had said to him, it had pushed him over the edge, and Syndra was too angry with him to see, too angry to help when he needed it the most. Fresh anger puckered her lips, and Syndra buried the thoughts in another pull of the rice wine.

"I _do_ hate you. You make me appear weak. You chased me from my home."

Syndra's demons didn't respond- the room was heavy with silence, and no matter how much anger she put into the words or much she willed someone to answer, her demands went unrequited.

"What must Zed think, to know that I am sniveling away at the thought of what I've done? He knows as well as I that what we did had to happen; you had to die. Why am I affected so?"

The drink muddled her thoughts, made it difficult for her to formulate answers to her own questions. This is why she needed someone, anyone, to answer, to tell her why this was so hard.

"This is why I chose Zed, even after he left. He would know what to say, yet you remain silent."

Syndra's mind was far beyond reason, unable to see the injustice in her words. But there was some truth- there was never any scenario when Selvi came out on top. It was Zed- it would always be Zed.

"I loved him then, as you loved me. You just couldn't see it."

Selvi neither confirmed nor denied, but Syndra didn't care this time; it wasn't her fault that Selvi had willingly deluded himself into believing something that could never happen, that he had tried to hurt her when things didn't go his way. This was _his_ misdeed. Syndra tipped the bottle once more, wiping her lips with the back of her hand and spitting her next words into the air.

"You deserved it."

Syndra absolved herself from this mess, from the guilt and the pain and the fear. She had what she wanted; she had Zed, alive and here, and she would spend no more of her time wallowing in shame.

"I have Zed."

She didn't drink this time; her fingers traced a ring around the opening of the bottle, but Syndra left it by her side, considering the statement. She _did_ have Zed… now. She would always want him, she would always pick him over anyone else… But what future did she have with Zed? She certainly loved him; more than he did her, most likely, and more than reason dictated, but love was naturally a very flawed and fickle thing, and without it, she and Zed amounted to nothing. Their relationship had proved to be more problematic than anything, and they were both very alike in the sense that they were focused and unhealthily driven people; Zed had his fixations with the Kinkou, Syndra had hers with her power and the Ionia elders.

Without love, there _was_ no future, and a sinking pit in Syndra's stomach told her that love was probably not enough to hold a pair like them together for long. Something would push them apart- be it someone like Selvi, or the Kinkou, or maybe even the elders would get their wish. Syndra had had faith in them, but here, alone in the deserted fortress with her head swimming and regret weighing heavy on her mind, any conviction she had was waning.

"What chance do we stand?"

She was begging Selvi for advice now, instead of answers, but no matter what she asked for he gave nothing in return. She took one last generous swig from the bottle, staring at the way the light from her spheres played across the glass. Her anger came quickly then, supplemented by the fear of losing Zed and fueled by the alcohol, and the fingers that had been lightly holding the bottle constricted in one swift, concise motion, shattering the glass and showering Syndra and the floor with what was left inside. The smell that was pleasant before was overpowering now, making her head swim and her previous nausea impossible to ignore. On top of that, her hand was on fire, lines of red beginning to bleed across her palm.

Syndra didn't panic- she simply shook whatever she could off of her hand and then pushed off the floor, practically tripping her way across the room and carefully, impossibly tackling the stairs. She was half convinced she would die trying to get up them, and half convinced that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing. It was only in amazement that she pushed the door open, stumbling the last few steps to the bed and falling gracelessly to the musty blankets, burying her face into a stray pillow. She pulled off her soaked shirt as an afterthought, throwing it into the dark and immediately relaxing when the smell went with it.

Her head was tilting, the room was tilting, and even though she was sure that she was safely stationary in the bed, everything she could feel was tipping, falling, swirling. Syndra gripped the sheets around her until her fingers ached, adding the fire that was her right hand and silently begging anyone and every to please, just _please,_ make it stop.

If only she could do be so lucky.

* * *

Zed wasn't sure if he had waited long enough.

It was well into the night and he hadn't heard anything from Syndra, which by now was verging on alarming. He wasn't surprised not to find her outside; the courtyard and garden were equally empty, and the door to her home was shut. He opened it slowly, expecting it to be lit, greeted instead with darkness. He lit the first torch he could reach, placing it back in its holder and surveying the room. It was the same as he remembered for the most part, save the misplaced tea pillow and the shattered glass scattered around it. He approached the corner, catching a faint whiff of the alcohol still seeping into the carpet, his eyes focusing immediately on several splotches of a rust colored stain on the pillow and surrounding floor.

Blood?

It wasn't a lot, but Zed had never, ever seen Syndra drink before, and apparently now she was injured. He turned away from the mess, taking the stairs two at a time and almost throwing the door open, stepping aside to let the faintest light from down the stairs through. She was where he expected her to be; curled tightly around a pillow, impossibly tangled in several sheets. Her breathing was heavy and slow, but even, and he lit one more torch before approaching the bed, looking for where she had hurt herself. Her left hand was splayed openly against the bed and injury free, and a quick assessment of her exposed back and half bare legs showed nothing new, either. He carefully pulled her right hand from underneath where it was curled beneath the pillows, frowning when he flipped it over. The entire palm was shredded, the lacerations spreading up every finger and covered in dry blood. It was a good thing Syndra had a first aid kit somewhere in her bathroom; her hand definitely needed stitches, and he didn't think she would want to make the trip to the order to get it attended to.

Zed carefully nudged Syndra's shoulder, receiving nothing but a quiet grunt in response. He tried once more, harder, rewarded this time with very bleary, unfocused eye contact.

"Syndra, you're hurt."

She shook her head as if to argue, trying to settle back into the pillow.

"S'not bothering me."

Zed nudged the shoulder again, refusing to let her fall back asleep.

"Sit up."

She complied with a groan, propping herself up against the headboard and frowning at Zed. He lightly grabbed her chin, making sure she was looking at him before speaking.

"Don't move. I will be right back."

She nodded, letting her head droop when he let go of her chin, watching him move to the bathroom. Zed had to root around the cabinets for a few moments, finding the small first aid kit and popping it open, sifting through the contents in search of what he need. There; wrapped in plastic still, the supplies he needed to stitch her hand. He took it back to the bedroom, where Syndra was squeezing her eyes shut, rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

"Hurts."

He wasn't sure if she meant her head or her hand or both, but he felt sorry for how she was going to feel in the morning.

"Give me your hand."

She complied, dropping it into Zed's lap and opening her eyes to watch what he was doing. He wiped it down first, carefully cleaning the dry blood away from the gashes. She winced slightly, but didn't say anything, just continued to let him work. Zed didn't have anything from the first aid kit for the pain, and when he started stitching he waited for her to complain, but she was silent, seemingly more concerned with her headache than anything else.

"This was a bad idea."

Zed agreed, but figured saying so wouldn't be the most tactful thing to do. He continued to work, his movements swift and sure, the needle tugging gently at Syndra's skin. He finished the palm first, putting away the thread and resorting to bandages for the fingers. Syndra began to drift off while he bandaged, going longer and longer without opening her eyes, and by the time he was done Zed was sure she was asleep. He tugged the blankets around her into a more even position, and Syndra curled beneath them, sighing quietly before breathing out one tired, confused sentence.

"I wish it were enough."

Zed waited for more, anything to explain what "it" was, but Syndra didn't say anything else.

"You wish what was enough?"

Her face scrunched a little unhappily, but smoothed back to normal when she sighed her next word.

"You."

* * *

Syndra was an idiot.

Everything she felt attested to the thought; she could hardly even _think_, the way her head was throbbing, and he couldn't seem to unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth.

"Ugh."

Syndra groaned loudly into her pillow, pulling it tighter around her face and squeezing her eyes shut. Maybe she could just go back to sleep and pretend she didn't get out of control drunk, and maybe then everything wouldn't hurt so badly.

"How are you feeling?"

Syndra moaned into the pillow again, by way of answering Zed's question. She was sure she had the pillow actually stuffed in her ears, and still Zed's quiet voice set off the pounding in her head. He gently nudged an arm she had wrapped tightly around the pillow encasing her head, encouraging her to move it.

"Water?"

The way Syndra's mouth felt was reason enough to forget her previous ban of lifting the pillow, and she carefully moved it out of the way, squinting in anticipation. Luckily for her, Zed had pulled the curtains over the balcony doors, and the room was dark enough that she didn't have to cover her face. She gratefully held a hand out for the water, taking one long, full drink before handing the cup back.

Zed set the cup on the nightstand, crossing his arms against his chest watching her small movements with a blank face. Syndra sat up against the headboard, waiting for him to bring up how stupid she'd been or to ask her how it went or anything, really, but he just stood there in silence. The longer he went without speaking, the more and more Syndra felt like something was awry, until finally she couldn't take it any longer.

"Is something wrong?"

He averted his gaze but didn't move, and diverted the question.

"How is your hand?"

Her hand…? Up until now, Syndra hadn't noticed it at all, and she stretched the bandaged fingers in front of her face, inspecting it in the dark.

"It's fine…"

Zed didn't really look like he was listening to her answer; he didn't look like he wanted to be there at all, and Syndra's stomach twisted slightly with worry.

"Zed."

He glanced up this time, but still with the expressionless eyes.

"What is it?"

His mouth twitched this time; he was trying not to show whatever it was that was bothering him, and the harder he tried to hide it the more perturbed she became.

"I'm sorry, for the childish way I behaved last night. It was an asinine decision."

Zed definitely looked like he agreed, but his expression didn't change, and what Syndra had done the night before clearly wasn't the problem.

So what was it?

"Say something."

He rubbed a hand over his eyes, sighing tiredly.

"I…"

He shook his head before continuing and walked to the door, finishing the sentence with what Syndra was sure wasn't what he had originally intended to say.

"I have training to attend to. Feel better."

He left before Syndra could call him back, shutting the door almost noiselessly behind him. Syndra stared long after he was gone, ignoring the blossoming pain in her hand and the throbbing still proceeding in her head. She knew that getting drunk was a foolish, thoughtless plan, but had it really offended him so badly? Had she done something last night that she couldn't remember?

For the first time since waking, Syndra felt like she was going to be sick.

* * *

Zed stalked through the forest, not heading towards the order but not away from it, either, just threading aimlessly through the trees. He couldn't really remember coming down here, but he knew he needed to be away from Syndra, for just a few hours. It was irrational, really, to be mad at her for something she had said while she was inebriated; it wasn't fair of him to hold it over her without explaining, and she probably didn't mean it, but Zed couldn't help the anger that curled his hands into fists.

What did she mean, she wished he was enough?

Did she mean that everything they had given up wasn't enough? That what they had, what they were… wasn't worth it?

No, no, that wasn't Syndra… she was drunk and upset, and practically asleep when she said it. Zed stopped his frantic movement through the forest, sending a flurry of leaves into the air with the sudden movement. He knew he was overreacting and that he should really go back, but there was just one tiny, vindictive part of him that emphasized how tired he was after watching over Syndra all night and reminded him of how unpleasant the task of overseeing training was on no sleep.

Honestly, Zed didn't really want to hear about Selvi right now, and he wasn't especially excited to explain his behavior or listen to Syndra list all the no doubt excellent reasons she had for the tantrum she threw the night before- and now that he thought about it, he definitely didn't want to return to the order.

Zed wanted to be somewhere quiet.

* * *

Syndra was still nauseated.

She stubbornly refused to attribute it to anything other than her lingering hangover, but regardless - she left the fortress as soon as she was sure she wasn't going to vomit again, taking her time on the way over to the order and trying to ignore the uncomfortable way the wind bit at her skin. Autumn was usually pretty mild in Ionia, ranging on balmy, but this year Syndra felt an early, bitter winter that somehow managed to perfectly accent the trepidation she felt when it came to Zed's strange behavior.

She tried to shake away the unease, blaming whatever the problem was on Zed's clear lack of sleep; it only made sense that he would be unhappy with her if she had kept him up all night, especially if he had to be at the order today. The knot in Syndra's stomach loosened somewhat, and her steps didn't drag as much as before; a tired Zed, she could deal with.

She finally arrived at the order just shortly before sunset, welcomed by silence and the usual quant torchlight. She walked quietly between the temples, being careful to walk as quietly as possible so as not to disturb the silence. There were only a few other people out walking this late, and all passed her with the smallest nods of acknowledgment. Syndra headed to the training area first; empty like she had expected, save for one ninja seated by where the weapons were stored, rubbing a cloth over a blade he had cradled in his lap. Syndra approached nervously; she didn't recognize this particular student, and she had never liked addressing strangers before.

He waited until she was standing in front of him to lift his head, and then tugged the cloth mask he had over his mouth down to speak.

"Can I assist you?"

Syndra motioned with her right hand, quickly placing it back behind her when the bandages she had momentarily forgotten drew his eye.

"I am looking for Zed."

He looked like he figured as much, but he also looked slightly confused, and answered simply.

"He was not in charge of training today."

Syndra blinked once in confusion, and very briefly entertained the idea that the man was lying; Zed had clearly told her he had training this morning before he left. But then again…

It would explain why he was acting so strangely, if he was lying. Syndra smiled shallowly, ushering a quick thank you before spinning on her heel and stalking away.

So Zed was lying again.

To what end? Was he after the Kinkou again, so soon? They had barely even returned from Bilgewater; she found it a little unbelievable that he would pursue them again after what they'd just been through. A new kind of nervousness twisted Syndra's stomach when something else occurred to her.

Was it Ahri?

Syndra had assumed that because he was using her explicitly for information that he had no other business with her, but if she was wrong… Jealously burned her cheeks and formed fists at her sides, her earlier agitation morphing into ire.

She needed to find Zed.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N: I know I have some explaining to do. I haven't updated because lately I haven't wanted to write at all, and I didn't have any motivation to continue the chapter. I didn't upload anything because if I did, it would have been settling and I didn't want to put out a chapter that I didn't enjoy writing and you probably wouldn't enjoy reading. I guess I just needed a break from writing for a while._**

**_But anyways, I'm feeling better now, kinda back in the groove, so I'll try not to go 3 weeks without updating again. _**

**_So sorry. _**

**_TheBosnianWizard- Syndra has scars! Too many and she'll just be Zed. If I get the time, sure :] I don't have a ton of spare time for reading fics anymore, unfortunately, and I have so many from months ago that I'm in the middle of still. _**

**_CorporalNoob- Well I love this coincidence. _**

**_Seth Darkcloud- It so was a cliffhanger! I've been looking for well written lemons actually, but as you might imagine, they're few and far between. It's not entirely that I'm uncomfortable writing them, just mostly that I'm scared of it being so just so awful and everyone hating it, etc. But thank you c:_**

**_Henry0313- I don't think that because I picked Syndra and Zed, there needs to be a lot of action; like you said, my writing is more on the descriptive side, and I've never particularly liked getting into fight scenes and the like. I wanted to write something different than all the other Zed or Syndra fics, which are very action/fighting oriented. And I assure you, this fic is very planned out; I spend a great deal of my time writing alternate story/plot lines, and I'm a little discouraged that it doesn't seem that way :S In chapter 14, I italicized "tried" because I wasn't trying to emphasize Selvi's actions, I was trying to emphasize the success of the action (or lack thereof.) If I italicized the other word, it would have completely changed the meaning of the sentence and it wouldn't have meant what I intended it to. _**

**_But regardless. I don't think that being a descriptive writer is really hindering the story, I just don't think that it's the kind of writing that you like to read, which, (to me) is a personal distaste and not necessarily something I need to fix. But that may be my opinion, and I could be wrong. I'm glad to hear you're watching out for the ending of the fic, but again, my writing style is something I've worked on and created to make all my own, and it's not something that I can just change, nor do I think any other writer can just change their style on a whim. That being said, you're most likely not going to like the rest of the fic :p (especially If you think it's dull.)_**

**_But anyway! Thank you for the review, and I appreciate the feedback :]_**

**_PoisonRed- Thank you ^-^ I have to say, your enthusiasm is definitely refreshing. I take all suggestions into consideration, but ultimately this fic is something I do to have fun and to make me and my readers happy, but I want to keep it something I do for me and not to please others. You're not being nosy! But I view Syndra as someone who easily gets jealous, but doesn't ever really have a problem getting over it. As for other tension- you might like this chapter ^-^_**

**_Thanks!_**

**_Ulcaasi- Don't you just always want to slap them? You know, the aphrodisiac idea is starting to sound better and better…_**

**_Lyraa- bb. Thank you for always reminding me, and sorry for making you wait :p I appreciate you looking out for updates, as always._**

**_The Ginger Ninja- Don't tell anyone, but I am so crazily, unhealthily obsessed with the Incredibles. (I think that reference probably could have been less obvious though, oops. Also you're awesome.)_**

**_Undeadbow- You're right, but a thing to keep in mind is that the time between chapters is longer than you guys might think, and it's my fault for not specifically pointing it out before. I know that they flip flop between hating/loving each other a lot, but the space between chapters is usually a few weeks, a week at the minimum, so they're usually feeling one way or the other for a decent amount of time before something changes. I've actually been trying to include the Kinkou more/expand their role, so no worries on that front :]_**

**_The whole lemon thing- again, not sure what I'm doing with it yet, but I have it rated like it is because I think most of the fics I read when I first started reading fanfic were the highest rating just in case, and I didn't see a problem with just doing it the same way. Just on the safe side-_**

**_Anyway, thank you, and I'm glad you like it so far ^-^ hopefully you like the rest. _**

**_Okay people! Review if you'd like, but thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

Zed was running out of patience.

What he was teaching was simple enough; attack with your shadow, let it mirror your movements and you maximize your efficiency. Defeat your opponent. Move on to the next.

Exceedingly simple.

It was hours of training later and the students were still struggling to pick it up, still lagging sadly behind schedule. How could he trust his students to be competent when they couldn't even prove it in training?

"I cannot allow ineptitude."

Not a single person replied, or showed any sign that they had heard him. It was the usual respectful silence that Zed commanded, but this particular day it bothered him; did they expect him to let them off easy? He singled out one student in particular, focusing solely on the fact that he above all the others seemed the most affected by the strenuous training, his chest rising and falling shallowly with barely concealed panting. Zed stepped in front of him and everyone promptly stepped away, making sure to give Zed a very wide berth. The student was clearly afraid; it was hardly ever a good thing to be selected this way, and with the mood that Zed had been in that day, it did not bode well for him.

"Show me what you've learned today."

To his credit, the student moved quickly; he raised the arm that was currently strapped to a blade, and the shadow he had summoned behind Zed mirrored the movement, the ethereal weapon it carried mere inches from his back.

In another circumstance anyone in Zed's position would be as good as dead, but the student lacked the confidence to use the upper hand to strike. He hesitated the moment he should have executed his attack, and Zed's own shadow moved in accordance with his thoughts, fluidly taking his current position and allowing Zed to regain the upper hand; the upper hand being behind the student, his own blade pressed against the man's throat. But where the student had stopped to consider his next move Zed took action, pulling the blade across his skin and letting him fall into a heap on the floor, an inky puddle starting to spread to his shadow's feet.

Nobody moved.

The training ground was utterly silent; Zed could hardly hear the other students breathing anymore, which was a drastic difference from the earlier panting, and none of them stepped forward to examine the body on the floor. Not that they would have to- when Zed chose to make an example of someone, he did it efficiently.

Zed's shadow blinked away, leaving only him and the students, him and the blood that coated his blade and oozed across the floor. His point wasn't completely made yet; if his students weren't made to understand now, then they would always be a disappointment. He flicked his wrist, flinging droplets of scarlet across the training ground and addressing the students with what he hoped was the last threat he would have to make.

"Only the worthy will survive. You will prove this worth, or you will die."

* * *

Syndra had been avoiding Zed.

For her sake or his, she hadn't decided yet; she had been too angry to speak with him for a couple days, and she figured it might be the best for both of them if she confronted him when she didn't want to hurt him. She was waiting in their apartment now, hunched nervously in her favorite chair, biting a nail and staring pointedly at the floor. She was sure that whatever was going on with Zed, there was a good reason; it would have to be something good to make up for the cold, distant behavior and lack of explanation. It would have to be, because against her better judgment, she was choosing to trust him despite all the evidence that urged her not to.

It just had to be.

So she waited, slowly wearing down her nails and ignoring the pit in her stomach that couldn't decide whether it was anger or anxiety, waiting until well into the night when the door finally flew open, letting in a distracted, grim faced Zed. He ran a hand over his face when he saw her sitting there, unable to wipe away the haggard expression or the dark circles that ringed his eyes.

"Not tonight, Syndra."

She expected this much, but she wouldn't have waited there as long as she did if she would let him push her away so easily.

"Yes, tonight. You need to explain."

He sighed deeply, already exasperated.

"There is nothing to explain."

Syndra's mouth screwed up briefly; she smoothed it out with a little effort, trying to keep in mind that he was tired and that it was late, and that if she wanted to get answers she would have to stay calm.

"You're acting strange, and you lied about being at training the other day. What is going on?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his temples with the tips of his fingers as if to knead away a headache. Syndra waited as patiently as she could, but the act was getting old, and fast. When he finally opened his eyes, she was much less inclined to listen to excuses anymore.

"So?"

He shook his head, and that simple movement was all Syndra needed to know that this wasn't going anywhere.

"Syndra, I'm tired. Please."

Syndra stood up from the chair, walking to where he was still standing by the doorway and jabbing a finger at his chest.

"How can I trust you when you lie to me every chance you get? You said that this was over, that I could-"

In the midst of the mini tirade Zed had lifted a hand to move away the finger Syndra still had pressed against his chest, and Syndra noticed for the first time the blood staining his arm. She let her hand fall, and her voice drop to a whisper.

"Are you injured?"

He shook his head, but didn't supply anything else.

"Whose?"

He didn't have to answer; if he was at training all day, there really weren't a lot of people it could be. But they were his _students_… he'd never hurt them before, not like this.

What was going on?

"Are you so angry with me that you would take it out on them?"

Zed pushed her away- roughly, this time, and moved so that she was standing between him and the door.

"Your ego precedes you. This has nothing to do with you."

Syndra ignored the quip, not quite realizing that her whisper had morphed into a shout.

"Then w_hat,_ Zed? "

Zed stepped closer to her, close enough so that when he shouted she could feel it, close enough that she almost missed his shadow lurking behind him.

"What I do with my students is none of your concern, nor has it ever been!"

He wasn't done quite yet; as impossible as it was, he came closer to Syndra's face, his voice increasing in volume.

"We have had _enough_ of your –"

She didn't let him continue.

Syndra whipped a hand up, intending to push Zed away, but the wave of dark magic flowed through his shadow, eventually dissipating to reveal that Zed was now several paces away, his glare dark enough that Syndra almost flinched.

"Get out."

She didn't have to be told twice. Whirling around with a glare of her own, Syndra stalked away, making sure to slam the door behind her, choosing to ignore the weak way her hands shook as she left the apartment.

She had never seen him like this before.

Even when Selvi had held that blade against her flesh, Zed had never been so crazed, so unbelievably angry. It was frightening, the way he screamed at her, and with what he had done to his students earlier…

This wasn't Zed.

But Syndra didn't know what to do. She couldn't begin to guess what was wrong with him; she didn't think that the extraordinarily aggressive behavior could be blamed on a bad day at training and exhaustion alone. Even with her prying for answers, Zed never would have acted the way he did, seemingly so eager to harm her. She stopped walking in the woods outside of the apartment, her feet reluctant to carry on any further.

No, this wasn't Zed, and she felt deeply wrong about leaving him when there was so clearly something very much the matter with him. And wasn't there something off about what he had yelled at her, how _they_ had had enough… Before Syndra could consider any further there was a cry in the night, so quiet she almost missed it but very distinctly Zed.

Zed in pain.

* * *

Zed couldn't think.

His head was pounding, the slam of the door echoing painfully in his thoughts. He had been shouting at Syndra; even though it had only been a moment ago, he could hardly remember what it was about, or what either of them had said that had ended so badly. It was hard to think passed the pain, and he was so _tired. _

He should go after her.

Zed made a move towards the door, but the pain that he had previously written off to be a headache flared maddeningly, and Zed clutched the sides of his head, gritting his teeth against the torment.

_She is a waste of time. _

The voice was a surprise, to say the least, but not for a long; Zed fell to his knees, unable to grip his head any tighter, unable to stem any of the pain.

_Can't you see…_

The shadow moved behind him, trailing wispy fingers across his shoulders that burned where they touched.

_We could be so much more, so much stronger…_

Zed looked up when the shadow paused in front of him, jaw still clenched painfully tight, his head still aching beyond belief. It kneeled down, still above Zed but close enough that there was nothing else for him to see but the darkness.

_Let her go, and I will show you. _

Let her go? Zed didn't understand what Syndra had to do with the shadow, didn't understand anything except the headache that was only getting worse.

_She will leave, regardless… She thinks of you as nothing but a monster. _

That didn't sound right… but she had stormed off, and they were arguing and yelling and he couldn't remember why she was here and fighting with him in the first place.

Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember anything form the last few days.

"What have you done to me?"

The shadow grabbed Zed's chin, pulling him roughly to its wispy face, its next words exploding in his mind.

_You've seen nothing yet._

Zed couldn't help it this time; he squeezed his eyes shut, crying out in pain, cradling his head in his hands. No matter what he did, he couldn't wrest away the shadow's control, couldn't do anything to dull the pain that made it impossible to think.

He flinched when he felt fingers against his face again, but this time it was different; not quite at first, but ever so slowly the agony began to leech away, leaving Zed exhausted and shaking but finally able to hear the frantic cries for his attention, finally able to feel that the fingers pressing against his skin were soft and warm.

"Zed? Zed, answer me."

Her voice was choked and frightened, but steady, and it slowly prompted him to lift his head, letting his hands drop to his lap. Syndra's face was ashen and her eyes were glassy, but again she tried to get his attention.

"Zed, please answer me."

He didn't know what to say; for now, nothing hurt, but it was so hard to think clearly, and he was beyond exhausted_._ He placed a hand gently over one Syndra still had against his face, voice hardly above a whisper.

"Help."

He moved to stand on shaky legs, and Syndra let him lean against her, struggling beneath Zed's weight but slowly managing to move him towards the bedroom, relieved that the more they walked the less he drooped against her. He collapsed heavily onto the bed, his eyes closing almost immediately, breath still ragged and uneven. Fresh panic added to the trembling in Syndra's hands, and she shook one of his shoulders until he opened his eyes again.

"Please, Zed. What's happening?"

His gaze was bleary and he blinked several times before answering, his voice strained and unnaturally quiet.

"It was the shadow. The more it talked the more everything hurt."

Syndra ignored the chill that ran down her spine, the unease that twisted her stomach.

"What did they shadow say?"

Zed frowned; longer he took the answer the more his face contorted in what could only be pain, until he finally spit out an answer.

"I can't remember."

She couldn't get him to keep his eyes open after that, nor was she sure she should. She watched him fall deeper and deeper into sleep, ignoring the mounting nausea and trying to think through what little information she had.

The shadow was torturing him.

Zed couldn't remember anything it had said, but Syndra was sure that this was why Zed had been acting so strange lately. But she didn't know anything about the shadow arts; _nobody_ did… that was why he was so powerful, his mastery of the art entirely unparalleled. That was why Zed was feared by everyone in Ionia. And that was why now, Syndra had nothing to go on, nothing to help her figure out how to save him.

What in the world was she supposed to do?

* * *

Syndra watched over him all night.

It was scary, the way he didn't move; his breathing was almost quiet enough to be silent, and the longer he went without showing any signs of waking up the more it began to remind Syndra of when her power became too much for her. If it was anything alike, there was no telling how long he would be asleep.

Syndra gently rubbed her eyes for the millionth time that morning, trying not to think about how bloodshot they must be by now. She stretched her arms out to the sides, wincing when the joints cracked. She stepped lightly to their bed, although she was almost certain that no matter how loud she was, she wouldn't wake Zed up. His face was smooth and untroubled, and she slowly lifted her hand to his cheek, gently placing her fingers against his skin.

"Zed?"

His expression didn't change at all, not even when Syndra repeated his name a second time. Her stomach twisted with fresh worry, but she was minutely grateful that nothing seemed to change. She desperately wanted to get out to see Karma, but until now had been too nervous to leave him alone. She searched the bedside table, quickly scrawling a note in her neat handwriting and leaving it where she hoped, if he woke up, he could easily find it. She glanced behind her before closing the door, unconsciously biting her lip.

She would not lose him.

* * *

"Syndra."

She shook her head, realizing she'd begun to nod off and trying her best to sit up straight.

"Please tell me what's going on. You are unwell."

She couldn't see what Karma did, but she could feel it; feel it in the pit in her stomach, the heaviness of her eyelids, the way her limbs dragged. Now that she was at Karma's house, where it was quiet and warm and worry free, it was much harder to stay awake.

"It isn't me. It's Zed."

Karma's features shifted to distaste, and Syndra interrupted before she could voice her unease.

"Please, before you deny me… I do not know what to do, and I fear for his life."

Karma didn't look any less upset about helping Zed, but with how distraught Syndra was and how obvious it was that she _did_ need help, she was resigned to at least listen.

"He cannot remember, but the shadow, _his_ shadow, it's torturing him, or controlling him. I don't know how to stop it."

Karma sighed; now the problem wasn't that she didn't want to help Zed, but that she couldn't.

"Syndra, I know nothing of the shadow arts. No one in Ionia does."

It was the same thought that had been eating away at Syndra all night; she knew very well, but she wouldn't have come here if she didn't have another plan.

"Not someone in Ionia."

Karma cocked her head to the side, clearly confused.

"I don't follow."

Syndra took a small breath before speaking, making sure that she was absolutely sure she wanted to continue.

"Can you contact the Kinkou?"

Karma's reaction was nearly immediate; she, like most elders, was partial to all the details of the Kinkou's demise. This was not a favor that would come easily.

"Syndra. You know why that won't work."

Of course she knew why any living member of the Kinkou wouldn't want to help Zed, but it was the only option she had left. They were the only other people who knew anything about the shadows.

"I know, Karma. I have been over every possibility hundreds of times, and this is all I have left. Please, out of what little love you have for me, _please_ at least get a message to them. He's dying."

Her voice cracked in an incredibly un-Syndra like mannerism, and no matter how much she loathed Zed, she sympathized with Syndra. Despite her reluctance, they both knew that Karma would always do whatever she could to help her.

"A message. That is all I can promise."

Syndra didn't smile and none of the worry or fatigue fell from her face, but she took one of Karma's hands in both of her own, squeezing to emphasize her next words.

"Thank you."

* * *

Syndra pulled the door shut slowly behind her, letting her fingers slip off the knob and quietly falling into the chair she had pulled into their room the night before. She was finally able to rest her weary eyes, and although she desperately needed to sleep her worry still kept her awake.

She needed this to work.

She didn't know anyone else, in Ionia or the Institute, that would be able to help them, and if the Kinkou weren't willing to help…

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to will away the doubt and focus, for the moment, on worrying about herself. She needed to sleep, because she wouldn't be a help to anybody if she got sick overexerting herself.

"Syndra."

Syndra's eyes flew open, peering through the darkening room at bed. Zed hadn't moved much; he was resting slightly against the headboard, pressing a hand to his head but staying still otherwise. Syndra dragged herself over to the bed, her hands fluttering around Zed's face, her eyes searching for anything that might indicate he was unwell.

"How do you feel?"

He didn't answer right away; he was frowning beneath Syndra's hands, his eyes tracing over her face.

"Sit."

She didn't need to be told twice; it was getting difficult to stand, and she wanted nothing more than to curl against Zed, who was, for the moment, seemingly healthy. She tucked herself beneath his arm, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You didn't answer me."

He trailed his fingers through her hair, lulling her closer and closer to sleep.

"I'm fine."

She sighed, not quite happily, but content for the first time in days.

"Do you remember anything?"

His silence was answer enough, but Syndra was too tired to frown. She felt him reach his free arm around her, heard him pick up the note she had forgotten on the nightstand.

"You went to see Karma?"

She didn't want to get into this right now, not before she slept and had time to think of a better way to explain to Zed what she had done. She tilted her head back slightly, enough so she could look him in the eye.

"I went to see if she could help us. I didn't know what else to do."

Zed's eyes narrowed; if she went to Karma for help, then he probably wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"And?"

She'd begun chewing on her lip while he asked, and she consciously let it go, reminding herself that whatever his reaction, what she had done was the only option she had left.

"I asked her to contact the Kinkou, to see if they could help you."

Zed's reaction was immediate; he frowned, opening his mouth to argue, but the longer he looked at the circles beneath her eyes and the worry lines etched across her face the harder it was to begin the tirade. He settled for a calmer tone of voice, but was unable to keep the anger out of his tone.

"You understand why I'm upset."

He had expected her to defend herself, to try and convince him that what she had done was all for the better.

"This is not a debate. I will not gamble your life because of a feud."

"This isn't a _feud_, Syndra. It isn't that simple. Everything they stand for is wrong, and I've slaughtered them for it. Reaching out to them was foolish."

Syndra was exhausted, but she had enough energy left to argue a point that should have been obvious to Zed, and argue it loudly.

"Listen to me, because this is the last time I explain. I will not lose you. I will never sit idly by and let your ego destroy you. There is _nothing."_

She lifted a hand to his cheek, making sure what she said was clearly understood.

"_Nothing_ I wouldn't do for you. For us."

Neither of them spoke after that, and neither of them looked away from each other. Syndra could tell Zed still wanted to argue; even now he was still warring with his pride, unable to let it go to save himself.

But Syndra was more influential than pride.

"Try to understand; I did not want to betray you, but this was all I had left."

Her eyes implored him to listen, and as distasteful as this all was, and angry as he was that her decision had to involve the Kinkou, she had a point. The shadow was taking his memories, making him sick, causing him to be violent and unpredictable. As loathe as he was to admit it, he needed help, and Syndra was the only one he had.

He smoothed a hand over her hair, motioned for her to once again curl comfortably against him.

"I understand. Rest now."

She sighed in relief, closing her eyes and finally being able to drift off to sleep.


End file.
